


Girl Crush

by ShesJustLikeAMaze



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternative Perspective, Diary/Journal, F/M, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Infidelity, Innocence, Mistakes, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-04 02:10:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17295713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShesJustLikeAMaze/pseuds/ShesJustLikeAMaze
Summary: This fic has 3 reoccurring themes per chapter; A present day passage, a journal entry, and a flashback.Written from the perspective of Scott's fiancé, Rose Galloway, A journey of decision and confusion that comes with the decision of whether or not she wants to leave her Fiancé, former Olympic Champion Scott Moir after learning about his infidelity, that could very well be innocent. Rose has one very alarming roadblock that is keeping her from acting irrationally as we learn about what really happened.orA fic where nobody is horrible, or perhaps everyone is just a little bit horrible...Decisions are made and when there are decisions there are consequences. It is up to the reader to decide who is, or is not warranted in their behaviour. This fic is a little bit dramatic but not all that far from reality.





	1. Welcome to Ilderton

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I got an idea and I started writing this fic where Scott and Tessa are not the main characters. The point of this story is for the reader to feel confused as to who they feel for. I wanted to write from a perspective where one of Scott's lovers is not the bad guy people so badly want her to be. I used an original character opposed to a past gf/ possible current as I felt it was unfare to write about someone I knew absolutely nothing about (Not that I know T and S either but I bought their book so I feel like I paid for the right to be weird).
> 
> I'm not entirely sure anyone will even like this fic. I'm posting the first chapter as kind of a test to see if I should continue. Please comment your thoughts.

December 25th, 2020

 

I sat in Alma Moir’s family room watching Danny and Charlie’s kids open their Christmas gifts. My mother sat beside me nursing a glass of red wine, glancing over at me every couple of minutes.

“Is everything alright, sweety?” My mother whispered to me, reading me like a book.

“I...I think so.” I whispered, placing my hand in hers as Charlotte squealed over her new pillow pet from her uncle Scott. 

“Are you sure?” She asked, squeezing my hand. 

I stared straight ahead, knowing if I looked at her it would open the flood gates. I wasn't sure whether or not I should shake my head or knod. I took too long thinking about my next action. My mother stood up placing her wine glass on the coffee table. She straightened the pleats in her blue dress and lifted me from the couch.

“We are going to put on a pot of coffee.” My mother announced, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear. She didn't wait for a response, she pulled me into the kitchen where we could be alone and gave me ‘the look’.

“I don't even know where to start.” I felt my head filling with emotions that were trying to force their way out.

“You can start with explaining why you're here, and Scott isn't.” My mom put her hands on her hips. “Where is Scott? Where could he possibly be that is more important than being at home with his family on Christmas?”

“Mom, stop.” I begged, glancing down at my left hand, my engagement ring glistening under the light.

“You can't lie to me.” She said, I knew she was right. “You hardly touched your dinner.”

“It's complicated.” I sniffled, the tears falling from my eyes.

“Did you and Scott have an argument?” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

“I'm pregnant.” I sobbed, clutching my stomach.

“Oh honey. That's fantastic news.” She kissed my forehead. I looked up at her and shook my head, my makeup smudged. “Did Scott get upset? Is that why he's not here? The idea will grown on him, don't worry.”

“Scott doesn't know.” I said, fear making me queasy.

“Oh Darling. He'll be so happy, he's always wanted a family.” My mother beamed.

“He has.” I forced a smile, “Just not with me.”

“What are you talking about? You're going to get married!” My mom shook her head at me, not believing the words leaving my mouth.

“You asked me where Scott is.” I posed it like a statement but she nodded anyways, “He said he had work to do before coming to dinner. He says a lot of things. What must a former Olympian do that can't wait until after Christmas? My guess is he's with ‘her’.”

“That's a ridiculous accusation. You’ve never been insecure before, where is this coming from?” She asked, hands crossing over her chest.

I reached into my purse and pulled out a little leather bound journal, placing It into her hands.

“What's this, darling?” She asked, opening to the neat scroll on the first page.

“It's Tessa's journal.” I sighed. “I know I'm not supposed to have it but I found it in the pocket of one of the coats she leant me for Scott's gala last week. Once I started reading it I couldn't stop.”

“But Tessa's your friend, this is a violation of her privacy.” My mother pushed the journal back towards me.

“Just read it.” I gently placed it back in her hands. “I have a sneaky suspicion you'll find she's not much of a friend at all.”

…

 

August 4th, 2015

 

Dear Diary, 

Today Scott met up with me for the first time since our tour in China. I know Scott didn't want to have dinner together just to reminisce about old times, or even just because he missed me. After all, he had Kaitlyn and he clearly had no problem forcing her out. Scott asked me to compete again. He said he wanted to go to Pyeongchang and have another shot at winning a Gold Medal. At first I thought he was crazy. I thought it had been the alcohol that he had gotten so accustomed to drinking...But after he explained how he wanted the next two years to be, I was immediately convinced; him, me, and the ice. No distractions. I asked Scott to dedicate himself to me so selfishly. I knew I had already asked too much of him the past 17 years but if we were going to do this I wanted to do it right. If I'm being completely honest with myself I don't know why I agreed yet. I'm not sure if I said yes to this comeback because I felt I have something to prove...Or because I wanted to be near Scott again. It's been so long and even though he hurts me time and time again, I can't help but need him close to me.

 

….

August 16th, 2015

 

I wiped sweat away from my forehead as I walked down the long farm road in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. I huffed feeling the frustration of being so completely lost. I checked my phone which was showing a charge battery symbol, go figure. My feet felt like they were bleeding and my head pounded with dehydration. I couldn't continue in this midday heat so I stopped and sat on the roads shoulder, crossing my legs beneath me in the grass. Suddenly a black Acura sped down the road and stopped beside me. Leaning out the car window was a man with floppy brown hair and a long nose. He was quite handsome but he also struck me as the type that already knew that.

“Do you need a lift?” The guy asked, his eyes were golden under the sunlight.

“I don't think it would be wise to accept a ride from a stranger.” I stayed put on my little plot of grass, the dust from the farm fields setting on my legs.

“Do you want me to at least call someone? You look dehydrated.” The guy’s eyebrows arched in concern. 

“I...I wouldn't even know who to call.” I blushed.

“Why don't you just let me give you a lift. I wouldn't be able to murder you in this town, anyways… If that's what you're worried about. Everyone knows who I am.” Scott watched as I blinked my eyes in confusion. “I'm Scott Moir!”

“And I'm Rose Galloway. I still don't have a clue who you are.” I stood up, wobbling on my aching legs.

“Rose.” Scott repeated, trying the name out on his tongue. “I don't recognize you.”

“Well it's a pretty common flower. It's strange that you've never heard of it.” I smirked. Scott laughed.

“You're funny!” He raised his eyebrows.

“And sardonic.” My mouth felt dry as cotton. “You know...Maybe I could take that ride. Just this once. You see, I'm kind of lost and I've been walking for hours...I don't even really know how to get home.”

“Hop on in.” Scott said. I walked cautiously to the other side of the car, climbing into the passenger's seat.

“Where am I taking you?” He asked.

“Uhm, I can't remember the address but the house is on Heritage Drive, do you know where that Is?” I asked.

“Yeah, I know the place.” He smirked, “Neighbour.” 

“You live on Heritage?” I asked.

“No, I live on Mill street it's not far from Heritage.” Scott said. “So, what brings you out to the middle of Hyde Park Road? What were you planning on doing? Walking to London?”

“I heard about this nice local farm that sells really nice, local produce. It didn't seem too far on the map so I decided to walk… and then I got lost.” I huffed, crossing my arms. “Why, was that where you were coming from? London?”

“Yup, I just dropped my partner off after skating practise.” He swallowed a lump in his throat. His smile fading.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently.

“We uh...I think I know the farm you were talking about. It was called Moir’s, wasn't it.” Scott changed the subject, his cheeky smirk returning to his face.

“It was...Why? Is this how I'm supposed to know you? You run a dairy farm?” I laughed.

“No! It's my uncle's farm. You're giving me a bit of a complex Rosie.” Scott pretended to pout.

“It's Rose.” I corrected him. Glancing at him. He so clearly ignored me.

“So what brings you to good old Ildie?” He asked.

“I purchased the commercial space on Ilderton Road. My mom and I are opening a coffee shop.” I smiled.

“What made you decide to do that?” He asked.

“I think we needed a fresh start after my dad passed away. I went to University at Western for business and when I graduated I didn't want to leave. My mom and I, originally from Ottawa, spent the past two years caring for my dad in hospital but she promised that once he went we'd move back to the London area. Commercial space in London was too expensive so we had to look further out. Our realtor told us about Ilderton which was a growing town in the Middlesex area. When she showed us the space down the road from the arena I immediately fell in love.” I explained.

“You really will be a neighbour then, eh?” He winked. “My family owns the rink.”

“It seems like your family owns everything in this small town.” I rolled my eyes. 

“Maybe you'll see my partner and I around. She loves coffee.” He smiled to himself.

“What exactly is it you and this partner do?” I fished.

“Oh you know, skate a little, dance a little, win Olympic Gold Medals...nothing crazy.” He gave me an innocent look.

“You're kidding!” My mouth gaped open. “Now I really feel like an idiot.”

“Nah, I kind of like it.” He stopped the car at the train tracks, watching as a train rolled by. “I've grown up in this town my entire life and since my first Olympics in 2010 people have treated me differently. You would think that they'd take me for who I am but they all treat me like some kind of hero.”

“Maybe you kind of are a hero to them.” I suggested, he turned to look at me for explanation, “You're clearly a very kind person, you stopped to give me a lift, didn't you?”

“Yeah I suppose. It's just that...Some of the people in this town give me too much credit. The local Tim Hortons won't even let me buy my own damn timbits.” He chuckled.

“I'll make you a deal, when my I open the cafe this weekend why don't you and your partner swing buy and I'll make you both a cup of coffee, no better or worst than anybody else's. I'll even charge you full price.” I smiled.

“That would be really nice.” He blushed slightly.

 

We drove in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, the houses we passed became more recognizable as he turned onto my new street.

 

“Hey Scott?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“I heard Ilderton has a big fall Carnival every year...what's It like?” I asked.

“It's really amazing! It's the thing Ilderton is the most proud of-”

“-other than you.” I joked.

“Rosie!” Scott scolded.

“Okay, okay. Go on.” I smiled. “Also...Its Rose.”

“Everyone pulls together to make this amazing party with artisan venders, live music, skating shows...It's so much fun.” Scott explained.

“Are you and your partner performing?” I asked.

“No...I...uhm. We are moving to Montreal in September.” He said.

“Oh wow! That's awesome. What's in Montreal?”

“We are going to pick our training back up in hopes of competing at the next Olympics in Pyeongchang.” He said sheepishly.

“Good for you, Scott.” I smiled, a sadness creeping up inside me, it would have been nice to have a friend. “This one is me.”

“You know Rosie, maybe we could stay in touch. I like to keep my Ilderton connections strong.” He stopped his car in front of my mostly empty home.

“Like pen pals?” I asked.

“Yeah, like pen pals.” He confirmed, I climbed out of his car.

“Thank you for the ride. It was a pleasure to meet you Scott.” I waved, sliding my business card into his cup holder.

“The pleasure was mine.”

 


	2. We'll Keep In Touch, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose meets Tessa for the first time. She also meets Alma who throws her for a loop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll take a few chapters for this story to build so hang tight. Moral dilemma is my intentions and it'll take some time for you to see how truly star-crossed everyone is. Call me the devils advocate. I haven't decided who is going to be end-game. Please let me know what you think so far. Should I continue? Or does it piss you off already?
> 
> PSA- I am 100% Tessa and Scott for end-game. This fic was very much inspired by a fic I read probably a year ago that was written from the perspective of another love interest. I'm sorry if this was your work, I can't even remember the title to give it credit. I can't help but wonder how relationships could even work with Virtue-Moir...It would take a lot of trust and an unflappable person, I'd think.

2)

  
  


December 25th, 2020

 

I re-entered the family room after taking some time to clean myself up. I passed around cups of coffee and sat down on the couch beside Charlotte, the small girl wrapped her arms around my frame.

“Thank-you auntie Rose for my Barbie and pillow pet. I really love it.” She smiled up at me.

“You're welcome sweetheart.” I squeezed her against my side, “Your uncle Scott chose the horse pillow. He said you’ve really been enjoying your riding lessons.”

“I love it! The pony I ride is named Dazzle. She's brown and her mane and tail are black.” Charlotte smiled.

“She sounds lovely.” I smiled looking up to meet Alma's eye.

 

It made me wonder how much she knew. She had always been very involved in her children's lives. Did she know something I didn't? Would she tell me if she knew? I felt Alma shift under the weight of my stare and start to open her mouth to fill the blank air when the front door opened drawing her attention away.

“Scotty!” Alma stood up, rushing to his side. “I was worried you wouldn't make it.”

“Sorry I missed dinner ma.” Scott embraced his mother.

“It's alright darling, I saved you a plate.” She fussed, pulling off his coat.

 

Scott looked around the room at his family and finally his eyes fell on me. His smile grew and his brown eyes softened like they always do when he looks at me. For a second I forgot about the hurt and the anger that he didn't know I was harbouring. For a second I forgot about the baby growing inside of me.

“Rosie,” He said my name just for the sake of saying it, always ‘Rosie’ and never ‘Rose’. It's almost like it doesn't feel right in his mouth to say my name the way it was given to me. It never has.

“Did you get all your work done?” I asked, my voice strained. He sat next to me squishing between me and Charlotte, kissing me softly on the cheek.

“Mostly, yeah. Creating a free dance is complicated business.” He said. Since winning the Olympics it seems him and Tessa try to take every business venture they can whether its planning a tour or training junior teams. I try to follow him from city to city, or at least keep up with what project he's currently working on but it has become very taxing, especially since I own my own company.

“Don't work too hard, love.” Alma pitched in. “You shouldn't be leaving your fiance alone on Christmas.”

“She wasn't alone, she was with you guys, her family.” Scott said softly before turning to me to whisper in my ear, covering his mouth with his hand. “I'll make it up to you later, baby.”

Usually I would have a warm feeling at the pit of my stomach when Scott pays me attention but tonight I felt cold. I felt sad, betrayed...But I also felt uncertain. Could I be getting this all wrong? Could it be possible that someone could be so cruel as to lie to themselves? Even in their own journal, words meant for only their eyes? Scott didn't seem different, in fact he seemed exactly the same.

 

I snuggled into him, breathing in his scent. I loved him so entirely. Somehow in the short time I knew Scott I rewrote my life to intertwine and tangle with his and it felt so safe, cozy and right. I wanted to need him, but I also selfishly wanted him to need me back. Only me. I looked up at my mom and shame courses through my veins. She subconsciously touched her purse that now held the weight of the world. She would soon go home and read through the pages that held Tessa's sad and ever so cruel truth.

 

I managed to push away the doubt that consumed me the past week since Scott's gala. Since hugging Tessa, thanking her for being my friend. Tonight wasn't about me, it was about family being together. We ate dessert together and the Moir brothers opened a bottle of whiskey. It long ago stopped being just about Scott and I. I loved this family. I loved Alma like a second mother and I loved Joe like a dad, but I wasn't the only one. Tessa saw the same things in the same people.

 

“I think I'm going to get going now.” My mother stood up from where she sat beside Alma.

“Oh Judith, so soon?” Joe asked.

“Yes, unfortunately I have to be back at the cafe bright and early.” My mom smiled, she glanced at me and I knew what she was asking.

“I'm going to drive you home.” I stood up.

“Okay, I'll just grab my coat.” Scott stood up. I gently placed my hands on his shoulders kissing his lips softly.

“Stay.” I suggested. “I'll see you at home.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, His eyes golden like the first day I met him.

“Positive.” I moved my hands down his arms and squeezed his hands before letting go. “My mom shouldn't be driving, she's had a few glasses of wine.”

“Okay, I guess I'll see you at home.” He searched my eyes, “Rosie? Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why?” I looked away from him to see everyone watching us.

“You haven't seemed like yourself lately, you seem sad.” He placed his hand on my cheek.

“I'm fine.” I chuckled.

“Okay, I love you.” He said, sitting back down.

“I love you, too.” I felt the emotions rising again. I needed to get out of there. 

 

My mother and I drove in silence towards her house on Heritage. I parked her car in the driveway and turned off the engine.

“I'm proud of you Rose.” She said, softly.

“Why?” I looked at her, my head dizzy with hurt.

“Because for a girl who always wears her heart on her sleeve, you kept it together really well.” She patted my lap and we both walked into her house, an unspoken agreement that we'd read the journal together.

 

…

 

Early September, 2015

 

It had been nearly two weeks since our grand opening and so far our profits were way greater than expected. My mom finished closing the sale of our Ottawa home and moved her things down to start her new life in Middlesex. She was making a cappuccino while I was delivering a slice of pie to a little old lady at one of the tables when a woman walked in.

“Hi, welcome to Edith and Rose.” I waved at the new guest.

“Hello.” The lady looked around and then walked up to the counter cautiously. “I'd like to order a large black coffee with a dash of cinnamon, and an almond milk cappuccino, please.”

“Oh, you must be Tessa, Scott's partner.” I smiled. The girl was absolutely beautiful. She had perfect skin with freckles splashed across her nose. Her eyes were big and green which contrasted with her long wavy dark brown hair, which was pulled into a delicate top knot. She smiled back and her teeth were perfect and white. She didn't even seem real.

“I am! How did you know?” She stretched her hand out to me.

“Scott’s order.” I shook her hand, “He’s been coming in here quite often after your practises.” 

“Oh?” She looked at me curiously. “But Scott doesn't…”

“I met him a few weeks back. I was lost trying to navigate Ilderton and he drove me home.” I blushed, feeling like I had been stepping on her toes. “Don't worry, I wasn't trying anything...I know that you two are…”

“Moving?” Tessa asked watching me squirm.

“Right.” My blush deepend. “So, you're moving to Montreal?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.” She said. Scott snuck in behind Tessa. 

“Hey Rosie.”

“Hi Scott.” I turned to start the drinks.

“T, did Rosie tell you about how I saved her from certain death?” He teased.

“She did.” Tessa smiled affectionately at him.

“Did you tell Rosie it's my birthday?” Scott smirked. Tessa rolled her eyes.

“Hey Rose, did you hear that it's Scott's birthday?” Tessa said sarcastically. We both laughed.

“Happy Birthday Scott. Because it's your special day you get to pay full price for your coffee.” I winked. Scott grinned.

“See T, this is why I like this girl.” Scott chuckled.

“Well, here you two go. I wish you the best in Montreal. I look forward to watching your comeback journey.” I said politely, sliding the coffees across the counter. Scott dropped more money than necessary on the counter.

“We'll stay in touch.” He said loosely. I didn't actually believe we would. “And if you miss having Moirs around, I've convinced my family to come by.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” I felt my face redden. I have gotten used to seeing Scott every afternoon.

“I wouldn't thank me, yet.” He winked. “Alrighty kiddo, should we go pack?” 

“Scott! You haven't packed yet? I've been packed for a week.” Tessa said before turning and waving, “Bye Rose. It was nice to meet you.”

“Goodbye Tessa, it was lovely to meet you, too.” I said.

“Bye Rosie.” Scott winked and then lazily slung his arm around Tessa's shoulder as they closed the door behind them.

“It's Rose.” I muttered under my breath. He made me swoon.

 

The next few days felt weird not seeing Scott walking in to order his black coffee with a dash of cinnamon, and a side of banter. As the clock struck 4pm everyday I would look out into the parking lot expecting to see his black Acura and cheeky grin.

 

Finally a week later I stopped looking for him. I knew he wasn't coming back until he had an Olympic gold strung around his neck years from now. I was washing the counter while my mom unpacked new coffee mugs, not even glancing at the clock. It had been a hot day and we weren't very busy. Suddenly the bell above the door chimed and I looked up. A woman with short, thick hair, a crooked nose and soft brown eyes walked in. She was wearing jeans and a sweater, which seemed odd considering the heat wave. She looked too much like Scott for it to be a coincidence.

“Hi, I...uh...I’d like to order twenty-two coffees.” She said sheepishly.

“Twenty-two?” My mom gasped.

“Yeah, you see...We are hosting a skating competition and our coffee machine broke. I promised our staff and volunteers coffee...So here I am...with a list.” The lady shrugged, her face red.

“A list?” My mom took the long, full sheet of paper, “Two chai tea lattes, three mochas, two decaf Americano's, four peppermint hot chocolates, four caramel cappachino, two green teas, three white chocolate mochas, a pumpkin spice latte, and one black coffee with a dash of cinnamon. - Oh my god.” My mom put her hand on her forehead. I thought about the last time I saw Scott, How he referred us to his family. ‘I wouldn't thank me yet’ he said. I immediately burst into fits of giggles at the irony. My mom gave me an stern look but I couldn't stop, the tears flowed down my cheeks as I gasped for air.

“Rose!” My mom scolded me, rushing past me to start making the drinks.

“I'm sorry.” I looked up and Scott's mom was also laughing. She looked both embarrassed and amused.

“Don't be sorry, just get to work. Can you make the teas and the black coffee with cinnamon? I'll start the lattes.” My mom asked. I stopped laughing and looked at the list.

“Black coffee with a dash of cinnamon...Is Scott in town?” I asked.

“No dear, that's my order. Scotty doesn't drink coffee.” Alma said. I felt my heart tighten I'm my chest, all those times he came into the cafe he bought coffee for his mom, not himself. It was so sweet, and so telling.

 

It was the end of my workday and my mom looked like she needed a few minutes to herself after making all those coffees, so I offered to help Alma transport the drinks back to the rink. We walked with the trays stacked up in our arms in comfortable silence along Ilderton Road towards the big blue arena. It wasn't a far walk and it felt nice to be out of the shop for a few minutes.

“So you teach skating, eh?” I asked.

“I do, synchronized mostly.” She smiled, “Why are you thinking about signing up?”

“Aren't I too old?” I asked.

“I don't think anyone is ever too old to try something new.” She smiled.

“Are their other adults who take lessons?” I asked.

“We have a few. I teach a group of young adults on Saturdays. Most of them have young kids and it's more of a social thing for them. They're nice girls.” Alma smiled, “It’s quite fun.”

“That sounds exactly like what I need. It's been harder than I expected to make new friends.” I felt a little embarrassed about the fact.

“I understand that you and my son have got on rather well.” Alma glanced over at me.

“He’s certainly not shy.” I chuckled, “It's a shame he moved away.”

“I think so too.” Alma smiled sadly.

 

We continued walking.

 

“Is-”

“Scott-”

Alma and I started talking at the same time.

“I'm sorry, you go first honey.” Alma said.

“Is Tessa Scott's girlfriend?” I asked ever so bluntly.

“No, she's not.” Alma gave me a knowing look. “Scotty has had troubles with dating because him and Tess grew up together, she's his best friends. The kids have chemistry and it's hard for potential suitors to see past that. It has been ingrained in them since they were just 7 and 9 years old. Tessa will always be part of Scott's life but their partnership can't be cheapened by labels. It'll take a really strong girl to be with my boy. Someone who is unflappable. If Scott and Tessa loved each other in a romantic way they'd be a couple, wouldn't you agree?” Alma asked.

“Yeah, I'd think so.” I smiled.

“Scott has taken quite the liking to you.” She winked at me, finally reached the rink.

“Has he?” I felt my heart quicken.

“A man doesn't buy coffee everyday for his fussing mother because he wants to do something nice. He does it so he can see the kind hearted barista that makes him laugh.” Alma held open the door for me to slip inside.

“I don't know…” I followed her lead to the boards and set the trays down.

“I like you Rose, I think you make a great addition to Ilderton...And before I forget, I meant to give this to you. Clue number 2 that my son is interested in you. He’s not really the texting type. He much prefers snail mail.” Alma fished in her purse handing me an envelope. “He didn't have your address so he mailed it to me.”

“He sent me a letter?” I looked up at her in surprise.

“He did. His return address is on the top. I know he's pretty consumed with his skating but I think if you're looking for friends you have one in my son. Also come check out the Adult skate Saturday, you might enjoy it.” Alma gave my cheek a pat and hurried back to her skaters.

 

I left the rink in a hurry walking back to the cafe. I took my time as I gained composure. Why was I this flustered about a man paying me attention? I opened the letter reading Scott's messy printing.

 

Dear Rosie, 

If you haven't already forgot, I'm Scott! Your highway hero! Montreal is pretty cool, they have so many little local artisan shops but nothing quite like your cafe. Tess has already fallen in love with this cute little chocolate place that does a pretty good fondue. We have started training at Gadbois and are diving right in. No rest for the wicked, eh? I hope things are going well for you at home. Since you got this letter I assume you've met my mother. Can I say I told you so? Anyways Rosie, things are kind of wild around here so correspondence may be sparse but I'd love to hear from you- pen pal. 

Your friend, Scott

 

I finished reading the letter and tucked it away in my back pocket to respond to later.

 

…

 

September 25th, 2015

 

Dear Diary,

Scott and I have been training with Marie-France and Patrice for nearly a month. They have high hopes and big plans for us, we have recently collaborated with B2ten and I can already see progress with our newly regiment lifestyle. Things feel different this time, just exactly the way Scott promised they would. I'm starting to see a maturity in him that I never imagined to even be possible. We have also started seeing a marriage counselor again, as recommended by Marie. I am starting to see my best friend differently and I'm not too sure how to feel right now. Being able to talk to him about my deepest and darkest fears and have him look me in the eye and nod opposed to getting mad, it means the world to me. When he told me that he felt that he disappointed me in Sochi, that he wanted to quit and let me live a life I deserved, that he was forcing himself into the relationship with Kaitlyn because he was hiding from dealing with his failures. It broke me. I didn't realize how much Scott truly means to me until we started communicating again. He is my everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is where it's really at. The introduction of a new love interest confuses Rosie as she's hung-up on one particular letter writing Moir boy.


	3. Roses are Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Dean, my next OC. He'll reoccur throughout the rest of the story. Enjoy and Tell me what you think!!! :)

3)

 

December 25th, 2020

 

“It's not that bad.” My mom read through the passages, curled up in her arm chair.

“What year are you on?” I asked.

“2017.” she looked up from the journal.

“What do you think?” I looked into my mug filled with caramel coloured liquid.

“I think…” She paused to consider her words, “I think that you and Scott weren't even together yet at that point. It's not fair to get upset about what he did before you.”

“You're right...But it doesn't stop there mom, read on.” I encouraged.

“What Tessa feels in her heart...What she writes in her journal...Those are private thoughts Rose. She’s allowed to feel things and keep them private. It’s human nature.” My mom watched me cautiously.

“Why are you defending her?” I asked.

“Because I don’t know the whole story. Tessa has always been so kind to you, she loves you.”

“You’ll know what I mean once you read the whole thing.” I blinked back tears.

“Are you sure you want to do this? Rose, if I read this journal and things are as bad as you say they are...you’ll have to make a decision.” My mom frowned, “You'll have to consider your child.”

“Read on.” I whispered, placing my hand on my stomach.

 

So she did.

 

…

 

October 31st, 2016

 

Dear Diary, 

I've been feeling pretty lonely at Gadbois. I guess I thought that moving to Montreal this time around would be different from when Scott and I moved to Canton as kids. I assumed that because we are older that it would be easier. It's not. I feel like I've been relying on Scott a lot. Even though he hasn't said anything about it bothering him, I can't help but feel like he needs his space. The girls at Gadbois are nice enough, but they're still my competition. Maddison, my American competition invited Gabi and I to join her at a Halloween party at one of the bars downtown. We all have training the next day but I figured that if I didn't go tonight, I'd never be invited out again...So I agreed. I didn't have a costume but Maddi had an old black bodysuit from an old show program. I paired it with boots, fishnets, and ears and called it a night. At first I was worried I wasn't wearing enough but you should have seen what the other two were wearing. It was shocking. Once we arrived at the bar I was in for quite a surprise. Our entire skate club was their...Including Patrice and Marie-France. I couldn't understand what was going on, or why Marie and Patrice tolerated all their seniors drinking the night before training. I couldn't help but feel a little betrayed by Scott when I saw him there. He never asked me to come. Sticking with the decision that he needed space I started talking to other people. It was then that he started getting really protective and possessive. I knew he had alcohol sloshing around in his stomach but when one of my new friends asked me to dance, Scott wrapped his arm around me and told the guy to back off. If I told you I kind of liked it, I wouldn't be lying....Or maybe I would be, because I loved it.

 

February 14th, 2016

 

I watched as the couple's in my cafe sat across from each other whispering sweet nothings and exchanging heart shaped Valentine's. I felt really busy the entire day, a cafe being an ideal date spot. I wiped my hands on my apron and carried a carrot cake and black coffee with a dash of cinnamon to a table by the window.

“So Rose, are you spending Valentine's day with anyone special?” Alma Moir, my new favourite customer asked me.

“No, I'm not.” I gave her a polite smile, placing the carrot cake on the opposite side of the table for Joe.

“What a shame, you're such a lovely girl.” Joe smiled, the corner of his eyes crinkling.

“Thanks Joe.” I patted his shoulder lightly before turning back towards the coffee bar.

“You know Rose, I just want to say how impressed I am with you.” Alma said, catching my attention.

“I'm sorry?” I gave her a curious look.

“When I first met you back in September I really didn't expect you to be as passionate and committed to our small town as you have been. From providing coffee to the patrons of the fall Carnival to joining the Saturday skating team, I think you’ve captured our hearts. You don't need to have a Valentine this year, you have all of us.” She smiled.

“Oh Alma, that's so sweet of you.” I smiled at her, “The thing is...I can't really imagine myself being with anyone, not for good. I know this is going to sound odd...And probably very lonely, but since I was a girl imagining what my future as an adult looked like, I could never form a thought in my mind that included somebody else. I've had relationships, of course I have, I'm nearly 27...But nothing worth changing the picture in my mind for.” I sighed.

“All it'll take is one person to rewrite your future.” Joe smiled.

“I hope you're right Joe.” I walked back to my coffee bar to help a customer, “And even if you aren't. I'll be okay.”

 

Joe and Alma leaned into each other and talked in whispers as I helped the gentleman at the counter. I was starting to get to know mostly all my customers who came into our cafe. This man in particular I knew to be one of the recreational hockey players who played scrimmages at the rink weekday nights. He was a friend of Scott's, who he knew since their days at Oxbow elementary.

“Just an Americano, Dean?” I asked.

“Actually...I...uh...I wanted to know if you'd like to go for dinner with me tonight.” He asked. Placing a single red rose on the counter. I felt my cheeks burn and then I looked past Dean to see Alma and Joe carefully watching what was going on.

The problem was that not only was I emotionally unavailable because I felt incapable of love, I was emotionally unavailable because the only person who sparked those uncomfortable, jittery, butterflies happened to be a man who was also so, so unavailable. A man whose job it was to create the image of love on the ice with one particular green eyed beauty. And me? I was pathetically exchanging hand written letters with him ‘as his hometown friend’ because I was chasing that stupid butterfly feeling without commitment. I knew I was terrified of relying on a man to make me happy, and that's why talking to Scott felt so freeing...Because I knew he was unobtainable. Because I knew nothing would ever come of our friendship. I got to have my fix of those addicting, stupid butterflies without giving away my securely caged heart...Because in the end we all knew the world was his oyster and the only woman worth his affection was the one alongside him for the journey. It was never going to be me.

 

“Rose?” Dean searched my face as I was snapped back to reality.

“Yellow roses.” I whispered as I looked down at the red rose, it's petals so deep red it almost looked black.

“I'm sorry?” He cocked his head to the side.

“Yellow roses are my favourite.” I smiled shyly. “But this one is beautiful.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't know. If I had I would have bought you a yellow one...Although red tends to represent romance and yellow friendship...I'd worry I would be giving you mixed signals.” He chuckled nervously.

“Dean...I think you're a really nice guy-”

“Oh please No. Rosie, just give me a chance.” He begged.

“Wait what?” I took a step back. “Why did you call me Rosie?”

“Sorry...I was talking to Scott earlier and he kept calling you that...I guess it kind of stuck.” Dean shifted uncomfortably.

“It's Rose.” I said gently, the same way I've reminded Scott so many times.

“I know...Im sorry.”

“Why were you and Scott talking about me?” I didn't mean to make Dean so uncomfortable, I just wanted to know.

“I called him for advice. We talk as often as his schedule allows and he’s mentioned knowing you. Scott is quite the ladies man so I thought he might have an idea on how to do this thing… I feel like I'm failing miserably.” Dean shrugged.

“He encouraged you to ask me out?” I felt a strange sinking feeling in my stomach.

“Yeah, he did.” Dean ran his fingers through his longer blonde hair.

“Oh.” Is all I felt like I could say.

“Just one date Rose. It doesn't have to mean anything. I just want to know you.” Dean, this usually tall, handsome, slightly cocky man looked like he was about to dissolve at my feet.

“Okay. Yes. I'll go out with you.” I didn't feel butterflies. I felt something else entirely.

 

After exchanging details with Dean who promised to pick me up at seven, he left and I went back to work. Alma and Joe silently finished their coffee and got up to go. Alma was giving me sympathetic looks and I hated that she pitied me. Joe was looking at me entirely differently. I wished them a happy Valentine's day and then Alma stopped in the doorway before leaving.

“You know Rose, life isn't a race. Sometimes waiting for the person who changes your picture is worth it. You can't force this stuff, kiddo.” She waved and walked out.

 

I bit my lip nervously and felt the warmth creep up my neck because she knew before I did who I was subconsciously waiting for.

 

The evening came quicker than I care to admit and sitting across from Dean at one of London's fanciest restaurants felt forced. He looked very handsome, as he always did wearing a buttoned down shirt and dress pants. I felt very underdressed in my simple red swing dress that I bought from Old Navy years prior.

 

“You look really nice tonight.” He said, his voice soft.

“Oh.” I felt myself unsure what to say, “I uh...Im sorry, I didn't realize we needed to dress up.” I blushed.

“That wasn't sarcasm. You do look nice, I always think you look nice. Especially when your curls are falling out of your ponytail. I think it's cute.” He blushed.

“Thank-you.” I reached up to touch the blonde curl that found its way out of my top knot.

“Do you drink wine, Rose?” He asked.

“Sometimes.” I shrugged looking at the wait staff walking between the tables. “Although I don't have much of a tasters pallet.”

“I don't really either, although I like to think I do.” He chuckled, “I could never bring myself to be one of those pretentious people who sniffs their wine before drinking it and swirls it to discuss it's legs.”

“I hate those people.” I laughed, watching the way Dean's brown eyes lightened. “Do they just make things up?”

“I think they do!” He bit into a piece of bread. “Unless being a country bumpkin automatically makes a person unable to taste wine properly...too much moonshine.”

“Then what's my excuse?” I chuckled.

“Good point!” He reached his hand across the table and gave my hand a light squeeze. “What do you say we order the most expensive wine on the list and pretend we’re disappointed by it's hazel nut accents?”

“Do you really want to be that person?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Well-” He started to frown.

“Fuck it. Let's do it.” I wrinkled my nose and smiled.

“Miss Rose Galloway. You shock me.” He gasped playfully.

 

The rest of the dinner went by really well. Dean and I had a glass of wine that we turned our noses up to and spent far too much time twirling around. We laughed together and talked about life, although keeping the topics light. I learnt that he taught fourth grade in Public School and that he was a huge Leafs fan. Above all I learned that he wasn't in fact a country bumpkin at all, he was really, really kind, smart and funny. Not at all as I originally presumed he would be from his perfect smile, gelled back blonde hockey hair, and tall athletic build. We listened to his Rolling Stones album as he drove me home. The music masking the building tension that often came near the end of the date when people started to expect things greater than light banter.

“Can I ask you something?” I said softly. Dean glanced at me from behind the wheel of his pickup truck.

“Of course.” He said.

“Why did you ask me out?” I asked, my voice wobbling nervously.

“Why?”

“Yeah.”

“Well first of all, you're ridiculously pretty, you have an energy about you that feels so happy and you have a smile that can brighten a person's day. Scott told me how lovely you are and I really wanted to get to know you. I was actually very surprised to hear that you're single.” He placed his hand on my knee across the console and I felt myself tense at his touch.

“He said I was lovely?” I whispered suddenly feeling a sinking in my stomach at the mention of Scott. How did he have a such a hold on me. It terrified me.

“Oh no…” Dean parked in front of my house, “Not you too.”

“What do you mean?” I turned to look at him.

“Scott. He’s some kind of womanizer, or something. He pays girls a tiny bit of attention and suddenly they're in love. You do know that the only girl he has eyes for is Tessa, right?” Dean said angrily.

“Wow.” I unbuckled my seatbelt. “You really don't think very highly of me, do you?”

“Rose…”

“No.” I pushed his hand off my lap. “You think I'm some sort of easy, girl next door type, don't you? I have way more going for me than being someone's girlfriend.”

“I didn't say that. I didn't say any of that.” his brown eyes darkened.

“Thank you for dinner Dean.” I stepped out of the car. He opened his door and ran around the side of his car.

“I'm sorry Rose, I shouldn't have said that.” He stepped in front of me. “I was just jealous.”

“Jealous?” My eyes widened.

“Yes. I'm jealous of Scott.” He folded his arms across his chest.

“But why?”

“Everyone loves him, and rightfully so. I have watched every girl I have ever loved fall for him instead of me and it sucks. Scott doesn't even know he's doing it. He's just so cool, he always has been. When I found out that he’s been sending you handwritten letters it scared me. He clearly has you on his radar, Rose. I just don't want to lose out to that guy again, especially since he won't even be around until well after the Olympics.” Dean looked down at his shoes.

“The world is his oyster.” I said softly.

“You're right. But it's yours too. You have that effect on people.” Dean looked up at me.

“I think that maybe I'm not in the dating mind set.” I stepped past him towards my door. “You're a really nice guy Dean. You're so kind, gentle, and funny. You shouldn't be jealous of Scott because you are just as special.”

“Then why does it feel like you're letting me down easy?” He asked.

“Because maybe I am a little bit. The truth is...I don't really know what I want right now.”

“Then what do you need?” Dean looked defeated.

“I don't know.” I frowned. “I think I just need friends.”

“I can be that for you. If you need a friend I'm here.” Dean swallowed a lump in his throat. I took the steps I needed to get close to him. I wrapped my arms gently around his waist and rested my head against his chest in a hug.

“Thank you.” I said before parting ways.

“Goodnight Rose.” Dean said, his hands hanging limp at his side.

 


	4. What's the Point?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello! Here is another chapter. This one is pretty short but helps you get to know my two OC's a bit better. I just finished writing the 7th chapter and I must admit...It's pretty damn heartbreaking. I think I have an idea at this point who the end-game will be but I would LOVE to hear what you all think so far. We are still building my friends.

December 25th, 2020

 

I sat across from my mother for what felt like hours watching as her face changed with every page she read. I felt the tears stream down my cheek as I felt my heart cracking with every beat. Every now and then my mother would glance up and me to make sure I was still there and would pour more tea into my cup. At around midnight the ringing of my phone broke the building tension. I looked at the display to see that it was him.

“Answer it.” My mother said softly.

“What's the point?” I sniffled.

“Rose.” My mother glared at me. I sighed loudly.

“Hello?” I tried to sound normal.

“Hi, yes I'll be home shortly. I promise.” I wiped under my eyelid.

“I'm just at my mom's. We needed to go over a few things for the cafe.- No you don't have to wait up. Okay, bye.”

 

My mom watched me as I hung up the phone. I tossed my phone so it landed on the couch cushion beside me.

“Rose, go home.” She said softly.

“I don't know if I can.” I sniffled.  

“I know baby, but you have to.”

“But-”

“You need to give this some thought. You can't act irrationally.” She closed the journal, having read the worst of it.

“He cheated on me.” I said the words, letting my heart fall out of my chest.

“Things are rarely that simple sweet heart. You need to sleep, and tomorrow we can talk about this.” My mom got up. “I know you're hurting and I don't blame you. I just don't want you to make a decision you'll regret.”

 

…

 

December 8th, 2016

 

Dear Diary,

 

Today we competed at Worlds earning first, nearly getting beat out by the French team and to be honest, they're good. Really, really good. Scott and I watch the younger couple every day at the rink and the progress in their programs is ridiculous. Even still, our Prince short program was so entirely different from all the other teams and Latch was just so romantic, soft, graceful...so us. At the end of the number Scott looked into my eyes and sighed, a goofy smile forming on his face. I missed seeing him that happy. It wasn't until we got to the changerooms that he pulled me into him and kissed me hard on the lips. I wasn't sure what to think, but I never asked. Somehow it didn't matter.

 

…

 

June 30th, 2017

 

I pulled on my Wellington and ran from the arena back towards the cafe. The rain pelted down in thick drops yet it was too warm to bundle up. I held my skates close to my chest to try and shield them from the storm...almost as though the hardy material has never seen water. I swung open the door to the cafe and sighed loudly as I shut out the storm behind me.

“Now that's a look.” Dean teased. He was sitting at one of the tables with a stack of papers in front of him.

“What's a look?” I asked, placing my skates on the coat hook by their laces.

“Rubber boots, tights and a wet T shirt contest?” He looked me up and down. I looked down my front and gasped when I noticed my white t-shirt was now totally see through and my pink bra was showing through the material.

“Did you have a good skating lesson?” My mom finished cleaning one of the coffee pots. “Oh Rose!”

“I...Yeah…” I chuckled as my mom raised her eyebrows at my outfit.

“You can't work like that.” She furrowed her brow. “Go home and change.”

“I don't have my car here.” I shrugged.

“Great thing you have two good legs, my dear.” She smirked, nodding towards the door.

“But it's raining.” I sighed.

“Welcome to Canada.” She said sarcastically. Her lips in a smirk.

“I'll drive you.” Dean offered.

“It's okay.” I smiled at my new found friend.

“I've graded enough finals, it's on my way home.” He insisted.

“Okay, I would really appreciate that.” 

 

We walked back into the rain and climbed into his truck. He started the engine and we rode while listening to Metric.

“So, you've been going to the rink a lot, haven't you?” Dean asked.

“Usually just on weekends. I really love to take an hour to just stroke around the ice and think. It's great exercise and good thinking time.” I explained.

“I get that!” He smiled, “Hey, uh...thanks again for coming to watch me play Thursday. It was probably a really boring game, it just felt nice having someone there for me, you know?”

“It wasn't boring, it was fun ” I shrugged, “besides, what are friend for?”

“Right.” Dean said, his voice a little too high, “friends.”

“Maybe I'll come again this week. Justin's wife is really nice to talk to.” Ì smiled.

“I can give you a lift, just let me know, okay?” He stopped the car in our driveway.

“Okay.” I hoped out of the car but Dean didn't move. He was probably my best friend in this town and he had been so kind to me since our first and last romantic date.

“Dean, do you want to come in for a bit?” I asked.

“Yeah, if that's alright with you.” The tips of his ears reddened.

“Of course.” He got out and we walked to the front door. “I don't think you’ve ever been inside my house, have you?”

“No.” He looked around as I swung open the door. He stepped inside and walked a little path into the family room.

“Don't you dare go looking at my baby pictures.” I called to him as I made my way to the kitchen.

“That's exactly what I'm doing.” He laughed, “I love the one of you in that little blue bucket hat, you're so cute.”

“I was hardly five years old.” I smiled.

“Clearly you're serving all the looks.” He chuckled, “wearing a blue bucket hat to ballet class.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I walked past him poking him playfully on the shoulder. “I just put on the kettle, do you mind pouring it over the tea while i get changed?”

“I don't mind at all.” He smiled, making his way to the kitchen.

 

I hung up my skates and changed into a sundress pulling my jean jacket over my arms. My hair was a mess so I just twisted the damp trestles off of my neck into a messy bun, trying to play it up with a scrunchy. It didn't take me long. I returned to the kitchen and Dean was staring at the open drawer in my kitchen where I keep all the letters from Scott.

“I couldn't find the tea bags.” His face turned red.

“It's okay.” I said softly, opening a cupboard and pulling out the loose tea, scooping a bit into the teapot. “I own a cafe, as if I'd use tea bags.”

“I didn't think you and Scott still wrote each other.” Dean looked back to the drawer.

“Did you read them?” I asked.

“No.” He said quickly.

“Do you want to?” I asked, a smirk on my lips.

“kind of.” He said honestly.

 

I poured us each a cup of tea and placed the stack of letters in front of Dean in order. I sat beside him at the kitchen table as he opened the first letter, then the second, third, fourth, and so on.

“I've been dying to share these with someone who isn't going to sell them to the media.” I read over his shoulder.

“And you think I won't?” He nudged me.

“I don't think so...But I could be wrong.”

“What about Judith?” He asked.

“My mom has read them all. She's kind of biased though because she has a sweet spot for Scott.” I shrugged.

“Don't we all.” Dean chuckled, eyes glued to paper.

“So…What do you think?” I asked.

“You really want to know?” He put down the paper and looked at me.

“Yeah, I do. I really value your opinion.” I placed my hand over his.

“I think…” He turned his hand so our palms were touching. “I think that Moir writes like my fourth graders.”

“Dean!” I laughed, pulling my hand away from his to swat him.

“No, Rose. I think it's nice. They're very... friendly letters.” He gave me a tight smile. “I just can't help but wonder what the point is.”

“The point?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yeah, what are you trying to achieve?” He shrugged, “Because Scotty is a pretty forward person and those letters are so...platonic.”

“Oh.” I thought for a second.

“Don't be offended, bud. After all it's a nice, traditional way to keep in touch with a friend...There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I just know Scott and he's the hot and heavy type of guy, he isn't really the type to drag things out. Especially not when he’s training for the Olympics.” Dean looked at me, he pitied me.

“What...what should I do?” I shrugged.

“I don't know, Rose. I guess you should ask yourself what the point is. Why do these letters matter to you?” He tucked them neatly back in the drawer. “That's for you to decide.”

“Yeah.” I felt my shoulders sag, “You're right.”

“Anyways, I should get going and you should probably get back to the cafe. Thanks for sharing those with me, I've always been really curious what you two were writing in those letters. It turns out there was nothing to get jealous about after all.” He smiled.

“Are you still pining for me?” I asked with a cheeky, sarcastic grin.

“Bud, I'll always be pining for you.” He winked and closed my front door behind him.

 

I couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling as soon as I was left alone. Scott and I have been mailing each other letters for quite a while but Dean was right. There was no change in tone throughout the letters. There was no further, deeper conversations. He could have been writing to his manager, doctor, or cousin for all that it mattered. That day was the very last time I wrote Scott a letter. More came but I didn't respond. After all, what was the point?

 


	5. We meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Thank-you for the response. I always write better and quicker when I'm motivated by an audience. This chapter is where things are starting to happen. Enjoy and tell me what you think!

5)

 

December 26th, 2020

 

I crept into our house trying to be as quiet as possible. I flicked on the entryway light and looked around the place I called home. The structure that sat on 5 acres, a long driveway leading to the house that Scott and his brothers built together. I imagined what our family could look like in this home. Would it be full of love yet a little dysfunctional? Would our children leave their skates in the hall and abandon their school bags in the kitchen for Scott and I to lecture them about putting away? Not even a year away that distant thought would be made a reality… just maybe not in this home and maybe not with Scott.

 

I walked up the stairs and closed myself in the bathroom while I removed my makeup and slipped out of my dress. Climbing into bed used to be my favourite part of the day, now it was the part of the day that made me the saddest. I opened the door to our bedroom and slipped under the covers feeling Scott's weight beside me. I laid on my side facing away from him as his soft snores tugged at my heart. I felt almost ashamed when I felt his arm wrap around my waist, the feeling of him brought me comfort as I melted into his warm chest. I will let myself have him tonight. Just for tonight I'll let myself be with the man I was so stupidly in love with. Tomorrow he could be gone.

 

...  

 

December 2nd, 2017

 

Dear Diary, 

 

Scott and I have been training really hard for the Olympics that are hardly two months away. It seems like enough time to clean our programs, but in my opinion we need another year. I know I should be one hundred percent devoted to our training at this point but recently Scott and I have been 100 percent devoted to each other and the outcome feels just as promising. At some point in the last year the meaning of our relationship changed when we started teasing each other on ice, sharing kisses in dark corners, and eventually winding up in his bed to release some tension. That's all it is supposed to be, and should remain: blowing off steam and working on our on-ice chemistry. Today Scott and I had a good laugh because the B2ten team did our vitals and said our stamina is the best they have ever seen it...Not even an hour after he fucked me against the laundry machine. I never thought that this would happen during our come back, in fact I didn't think this would happen ever. I'm grateful it did and I'll be sorry when it all ends after the 4 minutes that mean the most.

 

…

 

February August 4th, 2018

 

“Hey bud, you ready for this thing?” Dean asked me as he helped me unload the boxes of coffee out from the trunk of my car.

“No, not even close!” I wiped sweat from my forehead as I unlocked the door to my shop. The sun hadn't even fully come up yet and it was already scorching hot.

“I'll be here for you all day. You don't have to worry about a thing.” He reassured me.

“Dean, I can't ask you to do that. Scott is one of your best friends. You should be celebrating with him. You haven't even seen him since the airport after winning Gold...And that was in February.” I said, unpacking the stock.

“He hasn't really been around. He was here for like a day and then back on the road doing press and stuff. Besides, Scott won't even be celebrating. All eyes are going to be on him and Tessa, he has to remain professional.” Dean scooted in beside me helping me get organized.

“Still...The Moirs are hosting this giant party and I feel like you should be out there...Not in here helping me make frappuccinos.”

“Rose, I want to help you.” He said, his voice serious. “Besides, what are best friends for?”

“You're Sure?” I asked.

“Positive.” He gave me a small one armed hug and placed a kiss on my cheek. “Now relax.”

 

Between my mom, Dean and I we managed to get the cafe ready for the hoards of people who were going to come in. We had already gotten an overwhelming number of patrons coming in for their fix and to escape the heat. The sound of music in the distance and people gathering on the roads shoulder told me that the parade was well in its way. Dean and I took a break while the cafe was empty to watch the parade from the porch. I waved at all the young skaters from Ilderton Skate Club who were marching down the road wearing their team t-shirts. There were neighbouring companies with floats and adults handing out candies to the children. One of the young boys sitting on the ‘Ilderton Hockey Club’ float started waving madly in our direction.

“Mr. Clark!” He yelled. “Mr. Clark, over here!”

I turned to Dean who started turning pink, waving to the boy.

“Oooh, Mr.Clark, is that your girlfriend?” The boy laughed, the other boys joined.

“Hello Henry.” Dean called back, waving away his teasing.

“She's pretty.” Henry said, making kissing noises.

“You wish!” Dean called back, winking at the 10 year old boy.

“Is that a student?” I asked.

“Yup!” His face still pink.

“Lucky you.” I teased.

“Now you know why I wanted to stay in the cafe with you.” He chuckled.

“And here I thought you were helping me because you're a good friend.” I crossed my arms and stuck out my lip.

“Nope! It was entirely selfishness and avoidance.” He chuckled. Everyone started cheering loudly.

“Here come our heroes.” Dean said sarcastically. I glanced over at him wondering how he resented someone he also held so much love for. Jealousy was a filthy monster.

“They look hot.” I commented, watching the way Tessa shifted uncomfortably in the back seat of the car. I waved at Alma and Carol who drove in the golf cart ahead of them.

“It's a warm one.” she called to me.

“I'll save you an iced coffee.” I winked.

Dean grabbed the tea towel he had draped over his shoulder and wiped his forehead. I watched as Scott's smile faltered as he caught sight of Dean and I.

“Scotty!” Dean called out, waving frantically.

“Long time no see Clark!” He shouted back.

I watched silently and made eye contact with Tessa who was fanning herself. We smiled warmly at each other and she shrugged looking around her clearly feeling too humble for the attention. I made eye contact with Scott second. His eyes weren't as soft as I remember and his jaw was set in place. He wasn't smiling, in fact he didn't look all that happy to see me, although I don't suppose he would after I stopped writing him back.

 

“I'm going inside.” I placed my hand gently on Dean's shoulder, leaving him to cheer for his childhood friend.

 

The day got as busy as we expected it would. Lots of out of town families came in to cool off and drink iced coffees. The music from the fairgrounds blasting whenever someone opened the door. It was nearly time to close and my mother had already left with Alma to join the festivities. Dean was still here and I knew he wouldn't allow himself to enjoy the BBQ unless I did too.

“What do you say we go and grab a hot dog?” I asked. Dean looked at me hopefully.

“I thought you'd never ask, I'm starving.” He sighed.

“I'm just going to lock up and then we'll go.” I also felt really hungry.

“Why don't I run down to the concession and stand in line? I can meet you down there?” Dean asked.

“That would be great. Thank-you. For everything.” I smiled.

 

I started turning off the coffee machines and wiping the counters. I wash doing our cash out when I heard the front door open. I thought it might be Dean coming back for something but when I looked up it was someone else entirely.

 

“Scott.” I felt myself tense up at the sight of him in his T-shirt and shorts.

“Hi Rosie.” He said, his voice thick with something.

“Scott I-”

“Remember the day I met you? It was kind of like today. The heat, the dust on the road-” He began.

“I remember.” I tucked the cash away and straightened up to look at him properly.

“Why did you stop writing me?” He asked, cutting right to the chase.

“I...I guess I didn't see a point.” I said honestly. “You had enough going on, I didn’t think you needed the distraction...By the way, Congratulations.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, brushing off the compliment. “Was it because of Dean?”

“I'm sorry?” I ran my hands down the front of my yellow sundress. 

“Dean. You two looked cozy.” He scoffed.

“Dean and I aren't together.” I rolled my eyes, “Also it's pretty rich coming from you. You looked pretty in love standing on the top of the podium.”

“T and I aren't together.” He scowled.

“So that makes us even.” I crossed my arms stepping around the counter to meet him.

“I wrote you for months.” He frowned. “I don't take rejection well.” 

“No, I don't suppose that you would.” I chuckled. “Competitive by nature.”

“I like you Rosie.” He stepped closer to me, “I've been waiting for the day I got to see you again. I thought I made it clear in my letters.”

“A lot can change in two years.” I said, stepping closer to him.

“You haven't changed a bit. You're still that beautiful, witty, firey girl that I couldn't stop thinking about.” He placed his hand on my cheek.

“Scott.” I swallowed nervously.

“Say you didn't think about me and I'll leave you alone. Say you stopped writing me because you lost interest, not because you were scared.” He was so close.

“Scott, you’re an Olympian.” I felt the intensity of his stare.

“God, Rosie. That never mattered before.” He sighed, “And it doesn’t matter now. Tell me you didn’t think about me.”

“I...I can't.” I felt the defeat as I looked into his lustful brown eyes. Before I could say more Scott's lips were on mine. I felt that wonderful, sinful butterfly feeling as every nerve ending in my body screamed at me. He moved his hands down my body and cupped my ass, surly bigger than he's used to. Our lips parted when I felt him lift me to place me on the counter, moving between my legs. I pulled him back to me missing the way he tasted on my tongue. Suddenly the door slammed and I looked over Scott's shoulder to see Dean's hurt face, a hotdog in each hand.

“Dean.” I said, Scott still pressed against me. He didn't wait. He turned on his heel and left the cafe as fast as he could.

Scott cleared his throat and shifted out from between my legs adjusting himself in his shorts. I jumped off the counter and adjusted my dress, my face feeling hot.

“Do you...uh...do you want to grab some food?” Scott asked, dragging his hand through his hair.

“Uh...Sure.” I  shrugged, locking the door of the cafe behind us.

We walked in silence towards the fairgrounds. Scott constantly being stopped for pictures or a conversation along the way. We didn't have to talk about what just happened, it was like an unspoken agreement that we'd like it to happen again. The picture in my mind starting to get a little less lonely but the weight in the pit of my stomach told me that I had fucked up somehow. I worried about Dean. All my worry went away when Scott picked a yellow wildflower from the grass and tucked in behind my ear.

“Yellow.” He hummed, “You remind me of the colour yellow.”

 


	6. You have a friend in me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday, today you get two updates! So...This chapter and the following one have a similar theme, which is the Rose/Tessa friendship. Be prepared to feel something because even when I was writing this (mostly chapter 7) I felt kind of sad.
> 
> Authors Note: I have had a few questions in the comments about characters intentions, why they did things, or what they were thinking. I smiled when I read those thinking 'AHUH! It worked! People are thinking about motivations'. I think the theme I am really trying to portray is genuinity and realism. By that I don't mean that this fic is in any way real. I just want the feelings and reactions to seem realistic. All my characters in this fic are represented like real people. They are all kind, dynamic, yet imperfect. Scott is impulsive, passionate, and emotional. Tessa is kind and caring but battling feelings she can't erase. Rose is understanding, loving, yet maybe a little selfish and ignorant. Dean is philosophical, kind, yet very jealous. None of these characters are represented as 'Bad' people. There is no set antagonist. Everyone is just motivated by something different. As you read more you will start to feel things (I'm hoping) that will change your mind about characters. It's kind of like real life. People make mistakes, people get hurt, people lie. It doesn't mean that those people are all bad. With every decision there is a consequence. 
> 
> Aaaaaannnnndddd...That was my Ted talk.

6)

 

December 26th, 2020

 

“Wake up, beautiful.” Scott nuzzled my neck and my eyelashes fluttered open.

“Scott.” It took me a moment to remember the past week, all I could remember was how much he loves morning sex. “What are you doing?”

“Just trying to make love to my future wife on boxing day.” He kissed me, his tongue sliding against my teeth.

“Not now.” I sat up moving away from him.

“Awe, alright.” He sat up beside me, “Can’t blame a man for trying.”

“...Right.” I looked him in the eye and quickly looked away.

“You know, I love this look on you the best.” He said.

“What?” I turned back to face him.

“This look. Pajamas, no makeup, bed-head; You’re perfect Rosie Galloway.” He kissed my cheek.

“Thanks.” I said sadly.

“Babe, is something wrong? You have hardly looked me in the eye all week.” He scrunched up his face.

“I...We just have a lot to do today.” I sighed.

“Oh yeah, you volunteered us to help Tess finish Bea’s nursery, didn’t you?” Scott’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah, Tessa said she has the paint and stuff done. She just needs you to put her crib together.” I said.

“We would have had it all done by now if Tess hadn’t gone and popped her out a month early.” Scott smiled.

“Beatrice is coming home today, so we better get it done.” I rolled out of bed.

“Rose, if you don’t want to come you don’t have to. I can go over there to meet Tess and Bea and finish off whatever needs to be done.” He said.

“Why would you suggest that?” I crossed my arms.

“I don’t know Babe, maybe it's because you look miserable at the thought of going over to Tessa’s.” He shrugged.

“No. I want to go. I want to see her baby for myself.” I pulled on my robe on and walked out of our room. Scott followed me.

“Rose can you just listen to me for two seconds?” Scott followed me to the kitchen. He never used my full name unless he was mad.

“What?” I turned on my heel to face him.

“Why are you acting like this?” He threw his hands up in the air, “You’re kind of acting like a petulant child. Are you mad at me because I was late for dinner last night? Or are you mad because I went to the hospital when Tess was in labour? Whatever it is, just say it! I can’t handle this passive aggressive behaviour…We promised we’d be honest with each other.”

“Yeah, Scott. We did!” I felt my stomach twist. “We need to talk.”

“Okay, then talk.” He crossed his arms.

“Not now, we promised Tessa we’d help her.” I said, my voice thick with anger. “It can wait until after you play husband to your former skating partner.”

“Rosie...Tessa is alone, you know that right? Imagine how you’d feel if you were alone in a hospital with a premature baby. Imagine how you’d feel coming home to an empty house with an unfinished nursery and nobody to tell you it’s going to be okay. She’s my best friend and I thought she was yours, too.” Scott said, the words cut through me. Not because they were harsh, because that very well might be my reality.

 

Nine months ago Tessa announced to us that she was considering using a sperm bank to become pregnant as she wanted a child but was years away from meeting the right man. As her biological clock was ticking she wasn’t in the position to wait. Scott had asked me if he could be her donor. It was one night when we were sitting across each other at the dinner table. He had brought up the conversation and it had created a huge fight where he ended up storming out. I didn’t see him for the rest of the night and in the morning he came home in tears asking if he could come home. I couldn’t help but wonder where Scott had gone in that time. Today I would look at Beatrice, Tessa’s newborn baby and see for myself if she did in fact use a sperm bank. I was willing to bet that Beatrice Virtue was Scott’s daughter. The timing made sense.

 

…

February 20th, 2018

 

Dear Diary, Today was the best day of my life. Scott and I did it. We won both the team event and the individual Ice Dance Olympic Gold Medal. Without realizing it Scott and I have becomes the world's most decorated figure skaters. As we looked at each other on the top of the Podium, our national anthem playing, I felt years of emotions coursing through my veins. I started crying and then I couldn’t stop, when Scott looked at me with a smirk and raised eyebrows I laughed. We did it. Together. I needed him to hold me. I needed to be grounded or I was sure I’d float away feeling too big for the world I was living in. I held Scott’s hand tightly in mine and didn’t let go. That evening after all the press conferences and interviews Scott and I headed back up to his room. I sat on the edge of his bed admiring the medal strung around my neck. We had a dinner to attend and more interviews but for that one hour, it was just us. Scott sat beside me and placed his hand in mine. When I looked at him he had the same look in his eyes that he did after the Grand Prix Finals which seemed so long ago. ‘One last time?’ He asked me and that's all the permission I needed to tear off his clothes and show him how grateful I was. 

  
  


…

 

November 28th, 2018

 

I sat in the bleachers of the rink watching the boys fool around on the ice. I sighed loudly resting my chin on my hands. It has been two and a half month since Scott and I started dating and two and a half months since Dean and I have had a proper conversation. I tried talking to him the night of the Thank-you Ilderton party but he wouldn’t come near me. I tried again a week later when I finally caught him at the rink. He brushed me off saying he had somewhere to be. The past two months have been very lonely for me. Scott has been on tour and even though he takes five minutes out of his day for our morning phone calls It hasn’t been the same as having him here. I knew this was what came from dating a professional athlete...But I didn’t know the lows would be this bad. Scott was finally home from tour for a few days and he was booked up with Canada’s Walk Of Fame business. It wasn’t that I wasn’t proud of him, it was that he asked me to go with him. To support him from the sidelines with his family like a good girlfriend would, but I didn’t feel like it was my place, I never really felt like I was meant to be there, not when the world wanted him and Tessa to be together.

 

“Are you alright Rose?” Tessa asked, coming to sit beside me.

“Oh...Hi Tessa.” I smiled nervously. Tessa tucked her long dark hair behind her ear.

“You look lost in thought.” She looked out towards where Scott, Dean and a few of their friends passed around a puck.

“I guess I am.” I sighed.

“Want to talk about it?” She asked.

“Would that be okay?” I scrunched up my nose feeling like she had better things to do.

“Of course.” She placed her hand gently on my arm, hesitating before removing it.

“I’m feeling pretty bad right now.” I sighed.

“I know Scott has been away a while...Sorry.” She shrugged awkwardly.

“No, it's not that. That’s to be expected.” I reassured her. “It’s Dean. I think I’ve lost him. He’s my best friend and he won't even talk to me anymore. I...I think I really hurt him, Tessa.”

“Oh honey.” Tessa dragged her thumb across my cheek where a stray tear fell. “Did you know that Dean loved you?”

“That’s what makes me feel so bad...I did know. But I...But I..” I sniffled.

“But you love Scott instead.” She finished for me, her voice catching in her throat.

“Yeah.” I sighed.

“Rose?” Tessa asked quietly, “Does Scott make you happy?”

“He does.” I answered. “He makes me really, really happy.”

“Is he worth the pain of losing your friend?” She asked.

“I think so. I think it would hurt more if I was to lose him.” I blinked back more tears. “It’s just that I feel so much pressure right now and I don’t think I can talk to Scott about it. I don’t want him to think I’m jealous or anything...It’s just that the world kind of hates me because-”

“Because of me…” Tessa frowned.

“It’s not your fault.” I was quick to defend her. “It’s just that...Dean would know exactly what to say.”

“Dean will get over it. Give him some time.” Tessa squeezed my hand, “In the meantime I would really love it if we could be friends...We haven’t really talked much and...I don’t know...I feel like we should.”

“I would really, really love that.” I smiled.

“I was thinking…” She put an arm around me, “Scott and I have our Hall of Fame gala in a few days and I know he asked you to come...Would you like to come dress shopping with me?”

“Really?” I turned to look at her, “Are you just asking me because you pity me?”

“No, not at all. I’m asking you because I want you to.” She smiled. I pulled her into me hugging her tight.

“Thank-you.” I sighed.

“No, thank-you.”

“Hey Virtch!” Scott called from the rink, “Stop making moves on my girl!’

“You better up your game Moir! I’ve got myself a girl crush.” Tessa winked at me, I laughed playing along.

“Yeah Scott, her hair is softer than yours.” I teased.

“How dare you?” He scoffed, his eyes shining with affection.

“Sorry, kiddo.” Tessa winked to her partner.

“No, seriously though. I love that my two favourite girls are friends. It makes me really happy.” He said, his voice soft. I looked next to him at Dean who was looking back at me. He looked like he was about to be sick.

“You won't be happy when I tell you that I’m stealing her away to go shopping.” Tessa grinned.

“You win T. Just make sure you have her back before midnight. I heard she turns into a pumpkin.” Scott winked at me referencing the time he called me late at night from Halifax and I fell asleep in the middle of our phone call.

“Will do.” She smiled and waved, pulling me out of my seat and rushing us towards the doors. I took one last look at the guys on the ice and Dean was gone.

 


	7. Is it too late to say sorry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was my favourite one to write. I hope you like it as much as I do, because things only go down hill from here.  
> Please tell me what you think :) I always love hearing from you.

7)

 

December 26th, 2020

 

Scott and I didn’t speak a word to each other as we drove the distance to London. The air in the car was thick and more than once I had to brush tears from beneath my eyes. Once we pulled into Tessa’s driveway Scott jumped out of the driver's seat and rushed around to the passenger's side opening my door like he always did. I got out of his car and he picked up my hand in his, giving it a squeeze. That wasn’t our thing, that was their thing. He knocked on the door and I felt him playing with my engagement ring as we waited for Tessa to open the door. She opened up and I felt a wave of resent as she stood in front of us, her hair neatly pulled back into a ponytail, her blouse freshly pressed, and her perfectly fitted jeans that she wore before transitioning to maternity clothes, done all the way up. How on earth did she snap back that quickly? She just had a bloody baby for crying out loud.

 

I looked past Tessa into her big, white, century home but didn’t hear a peep. When I looked back at Tessa she was staring at me with sadness behind her eyes. I suddenly felt a pain of guilt as she waited for me to make the next move, or even just to say something.

 

“Tessa…” I looked down at my feet.

“It’s okay.” She said quickly.

“I should have been there.” I wanted the world to swallow me whole.

“I knew you were busy...We don’t plan these things, right?” She chuckled, her eyes not quite meeting mine.

“I’m so sorry.” I really was, no matter how angry I felt, I should have been there for the birth of her daughter.

“She’s hardly opened her eyes yet, she’s still so small.” Tessa tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, “I’m just so glad you finally get to meet her.”

 

For the moment I set my own hurt aside and pulled Tessa into a hug. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as she let a sob break out into my neck. I glanced at Scott and he shrugged, unsure what to say. I rubbed gentle circles into her back and Scott brushed past us through Tessa’s open front door.

 

“I didn’t realize this was going to be so lonely.” Tessa cried.

“We’re here now.” I felt my own heart sink.

“I need you Rose. You’ve always been the more maternal one between us. I...I just don’t know how to do it. I’ve read all the books and went to all the baby classes… She’s just so small and delicate and none of her baby clothes fit, not even the newborn ones. I just want her to grow but she won't latch and the doctors are making me feel bad about it. Everyone is making me feel incompetent because I don’t know how to breastfeed. They say formula is not anywhere near a good as a mothers milk but she’s hungry…” Tessa panicked, her breathing uneven.

“Shhh.” I patted her back, “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be a good mama, I’ll help you. Now let's go inside so I can meet Beatrice.”

 

Together Tessa and I walked into her home and sitting on her pristine white sofa was Scott, cradling Beatrice in his arms. My heart did a flip at the sight of him holding the tiny little baby in his arms. He was whispering to her softly, her tiny fingers were opening and closing around the collar of his shirt. My face softened at the sight of the little girl. Her skin was pink and warm, her eyes were shut closed and her lips were slightly parted. Like her mother, she looked perfect. Beatrice had a soft wisp of dark hair across the crown of her head and her limbs were long. Scott made eye contact with me and smiled, we had a silent conversation between us as he gently transferred her into my arms. Beatrice moaned at the exchange and started to fuss. I held her against my chest and hummed softly. She sighed loudly, relaxing into my arms and slowly blinked open her eyes as much as her tiny body would allow. It wasn’t much but she looked up at me with the most expressive, soft golden eyes. Eyes too familiar to be coincidence.

 

“Her eyes.” I said, looking up at Tessa. She raised her eyebrows and rushed to my side.

“Are they open? Did she open them.” She lightly touched the side of her daughters face. Beatrice blinked her eyes open at her mom, just for a single second.

“They’re….Hazel.” I looked up at Scott who suddenly looked uncomfortable.

“I-” Scott was about to say something but Beatrice started to cry.

“Maybe we should try feeding her, I can help you.” I said softly to Tessa who took Beatrice back into her arms. I looked up to Scott who looked guilty. I glared at him and he hung his head, walking towards the nursery, murmuring about needing to finish the building the crib.

 

I sat beside Tessa on her couch and draped a towel over her shoulder as she unbuttoned her blouse, exposing her perfect, freckled breasts. She had always had everything I wanted. She lifted Beatrice up to her chest letting the baby explore for its food.

“She isn’t latching.” Tessa looked down at her perfect body, with her perfect daughter pressed against her.

“Be patient.” I said softly. “She’s smelling for your colostrum. It’ll take some time.”

“She keeps putting her hands in her mouth...The books all say that’s a sign she’s hungry...So why won't she eat?” Tessa’s eyes welled up with tears.

“It’s okay, Tess. Try massaging her lip with your nipple so she knows that it’s there.” I placed my hand over top of hers and guided Beatrice to her nipple.

“She can feel it, look at her nose wiggling.” Tessa’s eyes grew.

“Can I try something?” I looked up at my friend, I knew she really had to trust me.

“Uhmm..Okay.” She looked a little worried but nodded, allowing me to gently squeeze her breast, forming a dome that pushed her nipple further inside Beatrice’s mouth.

 

Tessa’s body tensed but suddenly relaxed as she let out another sob. I pulled away in shock but she was smiling. I looked back down to her daughter and she was latched, drinking hungrily.

“You did it Rose!” She smiled, Watching her baby with so much love in her eyes.

“No, Tess. You did it.” I kissed her hair, and rubbed small circled on the bottom of Beatrice’s foot.

 

By the time Beatrice was done feeding and pulled away from Tessa, Scott had walked back into the room. His eyes widened when he saw Tessa bare chested lounged on the couch, her head resting against my shoulder as we both watched Beatrice. He shifted his weight uncomfortably and Tessa’s head shot up when she saw him staring at her.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Scott turned around, his cheeks burning red.

“Rose, can you hand me that blanket?” Tessa’s forehead creased, covering her small breasts with her arm.

“Would you both relax?” I snapped, “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”

 

The look they both gave me was so telling.

 

...

  
  


December 25th, 2018

 

Dear Diary, Today was one of the worst Christmas’ I've had in a really long time. This year had been an absolutely remarkable one. Scott and I had accomplished so much together from winning the Olympics, to publishing our book, to touring Canada with our very own show, and finally ending the year by being inducted into Canada’s walk of fame. It has been so busy that I hadn’t realized until I settled down how far away Scott had become. I worried that this retirement was going to be like the one after Sochi where Scott and I both crash and burn. He has become so wrapped up in his new girlfriend, Rose, that he hasn’t even come over like he always does on Christmas. I am really happy for him, Rose is a really nice girl and they both deserve to be happy. The problem is that somewhere along the line I have felt feelings of love for Scott that I don’t remember feeling at any point throughout our career. I worry that I may be in love with my skating partner and It is too late. I blew it. Spending Christmas alone sucks, spending it with all your family but missing your keystone...That sucks even more. The thing about Rose is that she’s kind of amazing. Usually with Scott’s girlfriends I don’t feel guilty when I get a little too possessive or suggestive with him...But I can’t do that with her. Not only do I love Scott, I’m starting to love Rose too. She’s the girlfriend I have always wanted, I feel like I can trust her completely and confide in her without worrying she’ll tell anyone. My feelings for Scott are the only thing I can’t tell her, so for now and probably forever, they must remain private.

 

...

 

February 20th, 2019

 

I didn’t expect to find Scott beside me when I woke up, not on this day. Thing between us have been getting pretty serious, pretty fast and I now spent most nights at his place. It was something that just sort of happened without waiting for permission. My soul knew before I did that the empty, lonely picture of what my future looked like in my head, was now filled. I no longer saw just me. I no longer felt intimidated at the thought of sharing my life with someone...But it wasn’t just someone. It was him. Alma was right all along, he came back for me and all i had to do was be patient. I pulled on my jeans and walked the short distance to the cafe, and then rink. It was a Wednesday and a pretty typical one at that... but not for Scott, and not for Tessa.

 

I smiled when I opened the door to the rink to see Tessa and Scott hand in hand gliding around the ice. He stopped in center ice and drew her into his arms. It was their Olympic anniversary. I didn’t want to linger too long so I placed Tessa’s almond milk cappuccino and Scott’s green tea on the bench with a note telling each of them that I loved them. 

 

Since Tessa and I went dress shopping before their Walk Of Fame gala, she and I have become really good friends. I go with her to fashion shows and talk shows that Scott refuses to attend, and she comes with me to pilates on Thursday nights when Scott’s at the rink with the boys. Somewhere along the line we have built a bond similar to that of highschool girls who tell each other everything. Not once has she let me down. There was one point around Christmas when the Virtue-Moir fandom got so intense and cruel that I was thinking about cooling things off with Scott. Tessa drove me that night to Lake Eerie and we sat together on a freezing cold park bench just talking about all of our fears and insecurities. A lot of hers I didn’t even realized she had. We took a selfie together of the two of us bundled up, cozy on the bench, a picture that represents how happy we were as friends. The next morning I woke up to nearly 1000 notifications on my phone. When I opened my Instagram Tessa had added the photo of us with a long message about how wonderful and deserving I was. It made my heart swell and my affections for her grow. Since that day people have stopped harassing me about being Scott’s partner. It was Tessa who saved our relationship that day.

 

I walked back to the Cafe and immediately pulled on my apron, stopping to kiss my mother on her cheek. It took me almost a whole two minutes before I noticed my mom trying to subtly nod in the direction of Dean, who was sitting at one of our tables. He was grading papers but I could tell by the way his eyes were darting around that he was well aware that I have arrived to work. After avoiding me for months, he was giving me a sign he was ready to talk.

“What are you doing still standing there?” My mom whispered. I ducked behind our Industrial sized coffee maker.

“I...He probably doesn’t want to see me.” I shrugged.

“Why else would he come here? Talk to him.” She insisted.

“Mom!” I groaned. “I don’t even know what to say.”

 

There was the sound of the chair legs squeaking against the wood floor. I peaked past the coffee machine and Dean had gotten up and was now standing right across the counter from where I was hiding.

 

“Rose?” He looked to where I was hiding.

“Uh..Hi Dean.” I blushed, pretending I was cleaning something.

“Could we talk?” He asked, his voice soft. I turned to my mom who popped up beside me, a sheepish look on her face.

“Yeah, she’s free for a bit.” She smirked.

“Yeah...uh...maybe we could-”

“Go somewhere else?” He finished my sentence.

“Yeah.” I nodded, following him out of the shop. It was hardly 7am and the sun was still down.

 

We walked through the quiet, foggy streets, the fields looking eerie in the morning haze.

 

“You wanted to talk?” I asked, after I have had enough of the awkward silence.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” He shrugged.

“Dean-”

“No let me finish.” He looked at me. I nodded allowing him to go on.

“I’m going to be honest with you here. I just figured things between us can’t get any worse than they already are...So why not take the risk and live life without regrets...Rose, I loved you. I loved you a lot and you went and fell for somebody else. You know, I think the cruelest type of love is unrequited love...It’s the only type of love I ever seem to feel, yet somehow I keep trying. I didn’t come here with any sort of agenda, I came here to tell you that I’m sorry for blaming you for not loving me back...As though falling for my best friend was a choice. I want you to know that I’m glad it was him and not me, because I don’t know if I could have made you as happy as he makes you...Because finally Scotty has found a woman worth keeping...Worth marrying. It’s not easy falling in love alone, Rose...But it’s so easy loving you. I promised you almost two years ago that we could be friends, because having you as my friend was better than not having you at all. I have been horrible to you, and I abandoned you probably when you needed me most...I don’t expect you to forgive me...I just hope that-”

“I forgive you.” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck, catching him by surprise.

“You do?” He asked, shock in his voice, “But I was so horrible to you.”

“You were hurt.” I said softly, pulling away from his embrace to continue walking. “Dean, I knew you loved me and I didn’t do anything to cushion the blow. We both did things to hurt each other and friends don’t do that to friends.”

“Can we go back to the way things were?” He asked.

“Only if you’re okay that Scott and I are together. I love him and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.” I looked up to read his expression.

“I know Bud, and I’m even more than okay, I’m glad.” He nudged my shoulder, “Like I said, no agenda.”

“Can I ask you something?” I asked him.

“Sure.” He shoved his hands deep in his pockets.

“Why do you call me bud?” I asked.

“I thought it was fitting. A Rosebud is symbolic of beauty, loveliness, and purity. You can kind of be a pain in the ass but you’re still all those things.” He smiled.

“You really do love your sappy literature, don’t you?” I teased.

“I guess I do.” He laughed.

 

We walked a few more blocks in silence.

 

“So I’ve noticed that you and Tessa have become good friends…” Dean said.

“Are you asking me to set you up?” I looked at him.

“Nah, she’s not really my type.” He shrugged.

“What?” I looked at him, “How? She’s perfect.”

“Maybe a little too perfect.” He smiled.

“Okay, so she’s not your type...Why are you asking?”

“I...uh...I’m just kind of curious. Is it difficult being her friend when her and Scott are...so close?” He asked.

“No, not really. It actually makes it easier being her friend because I know she’d never try to hurt me.” I smiled, “I can't erase 21 years of friendship and I shouldn't want to.”

“You're a strong woman Rose Galloway.” Dean nudged me.

“I try.” I chuckled lightly.

 

Later that day after my shift at the cafe I walked back to Scott's place with the intention of using the afternoon to clean. When I opened the front door the sound of Tessa's laughter immediately filled my ears. I followed the sound to the kitchen where Scott was chopping vegetables. Tessa sitting across from him sipping a glass of wine.

“Well if it isn't our favourite barista.” Tessa smiled at me.

“Hey!” I dropped my bag on the floor and took a seat beside Tessa. “How was your anniversary?” 

“It was good, Thank you for the coffee. That was such a nice surprise.” Tessa said.

“No problem.” I smiled at her, turning to Scott. “So...Dean and I reconciled.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows. “What did he say?”

 

I paused wondering if I should tell him the truth or if some things are better left unsaid. I chose the latter.

 

“Just that he's sorry. That he was wrong to abandon me.” I said, leaving the part of him loving me out.

“Did he say why he did It?” Scott asked.

“Aren't you supposed to know? He's your best friend.” I avoided answering the question.

“He never talks about you. I wasn't really sure I wanted to strain our friendship so I never asked.” Scott frowned slightly, “So...did he tell you why he was acting so weird?”

“He didn't say.” I lied. “I think he was just going through some personal shit and was taking it out on me.”

 

I looked over at Tessa who was giving me a knowing look. She knew I was omitting a significant piece to this puzzle and her mouth kept opening and closing like she wanted to say something but thought otherwise. I knew I was putting her in a tough spot and I knew where her loyalties lie, yet she still stayed silent. Secrets are lies and Scott and I agreed we wouldn't lie each other. Maybe this is where it all started.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I know this is going to be asked...  
> Why was Rose so kind to Tessa, even if she was so mad at her? (part 1: Present day)  
> Here is the answer: Rose, as you can probably now detect isn't one to act irrationally. She knows how hurt she is but the thought of letting her friend down is even more painful. Rose feels like she can relate a little bit to Tessa because she pictures herself in Tessa's shoes, as a single mother alone to raise a baby. After reading Tessa's journal she can also understand how crippling it must feel to be so in love with somebody, only for them to love somebody else.


	8. Home is Wherever I'm with You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here is another update. The next few chapters are going to remain tense but reveal a lot. I still haven't decided on end game. What would you suggest?
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think!

8)

 

December 26th, 2020

 

Scott finished Beatrice's nursery and him and I left shortly after. The whole time we didn't speak much. We were in the car driving home and Scott turned off the radio knowing the silence would be unbearable for me. I glanced at him and his jaw was set, the way it was when he was irritated. I knew I had to talk about how I felt but the words just didn't seem to come.

“Beatrice is cute, isn't she?” I said softly, the anger long gone from my voice, defeat filling it's place.

“Yeah, she is.” Scott agreed. His face was still angry but his chest puffed ever so slightly with pride.

“Her eyes are nice. Hazel.”

“Rose.” He said. The word a statement in itself. “Cut the crap and say what you mean.”

 

There was a long pause where nobody was speaking, nobody was breathing.

 

“If you found a journal that belonged to one of your best friends, the pages filled with confessions of love for your fiance...No, not just private thoughts...But actions that slice your heart down to the very core…Scott, if you found a journal where the ink lead you to believe that the person you love more than anything in the entire world was unfaithful...Would you wait around to find out if it was just sex, or if it was sex and love? Would you convince yourself it was a lie, so you could remain happy? Or would you cut your losses before it's too late to turn back?” I said, my voice even and relaxed despite the hurricane in my head begging for release.

 

“I...I…” Scott’s breathing became uneven and he started driving faster.

“Don't say anything until we get home. I want to be able to look you in the eye when you tell me the truth.” I whispered, looking out the window.

 

He didn't say a word.

 

We pulled up in the driveway after what felt like the car ride to hell. I counted my lucky stars that we arrived alive and took a deep breath before following Scott up the path to our front door. He immediately went to the kitchen and flicked on the coffee pot. I sat down at our kitchen table and he sat across from me. This was habit for us. Scott and I have always built our relationship on communication and honesty. Whenever one of us felt we needed to talk about something we would put on a pot of coffee, because sometimes I couldn't function without It, and we would sit across from each other. No distractions, no time restraints. And we'd talk.

 

“I love you.” He said. His eyes filled with tears.

“I know.” I said sadly.

“Rosie..”

“Did you sleep with Tessa while we were together?” I asked.

He stayed silent, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Do you love her?” I pressed on.

“I...I…” Scott sobbed, the sight of him in pain made me feel sick.

“Be honest.” I whispered.

“As if you haven't ever lied to me.” He glared across the table, choosing to be defensive.

“I have lied to you twice Scott. Twice.” I placed my hands on the table. “The first time was when Dean and I reconciled two years ago and I told you I didn't know why he was mad. He was mad because he was in love with me and I chose you. The second time I lied to you was last night when you asked me if I was okay. I'm not okay. I'm hurt.” My voice shook. “Now be honest with me.”

“Yes.” He cried. “I had sex with Tessa, but-”

A pained sob burst out of me, I folding my hands across my eyes. Unable to bare it any longer. The hurt poured out around me.

“Isn't it possible to be in love with more than one person?” Scott asked.

“It is.” I sniffled, “But you have to choose. I know you're used to getting whatever you want, but you can't have both.”

“I chose you. It happened the night we got in a fight. You were angrier than I’ve ever seen you. I thought we were done, that you were going to leave me. I went to Tessa’s that night and I found comfort in her. We had sex and immediately after, I regretted it. I came home to you, Rosie. I begged you to take me back.” Scott let out a strangled sob, “I even wanted to tell you what I had done...but-”

“But then she told you she was pregnant.” I finished his thought. “She's yours, isn't She? Beatrice is your daughter.”

Scott didn't say anything but he didn't have to. He nodded slowly, unable to meet my eye.

“You know…” I felt the anger building. Raw, uncontrollable anger that I never let myself feel. I stood up my hands pressed on the table as I leaned towards him. “I trusted you. I promised myself that I would never get jealous or try to cheapen your relationship with Tessa. I even went as far as being her friend, welcoming her into every facet of our lives. I understood your relationship, I didn't ever ask you to set her aside...And all I asked was that you would remain loyal to me the way I remained loyal to both of you. You destroyed me Scott. I let myself fall in love with you even after I convinced myself I wasn't capable or deserving of love. I loved you anyways.”

“Please…” Scott begged me for mercy.

“You should have just left me alone and loved her instead.” I spat, turning on my heel leaving the kitchen.

  
  


...

 

June 30th, 2019

 

Dear Diary, 

I am currently sitting at my gate in the Airport waiting for my flight to board. It didn’t take me long to realize that I am unhappy, despite the good life I’ve lived. The love of my life is making big gestures of love and longevity to another woman. A woman who is also my best friend. Jealousy is a funny thing, I think. It’s that feeling of rejection and self-deprecation that has become so intense that you resent the person who is innocently living the life you want. Not only that though, you resent and blame yourself. I want Rosie’s long blonde curls because the way they catch Scott’s eye makes me dizzy. I want her soft, plump lips knowing they taste like him. I want her laugh, her smile, her bubbly demeanor because it lights up the room. I know I’m running from my problems, it’s a tendency of mine. Deep down I know that France has nothing for me...I just have to be kind to myself and try. I have to let my best friend and his girlfriend progress because they’re happy. I told him how I felt about him at Rose's birthday. I told him I needed to stop loving him and the only way to do that is to give myself time. He walked away from me. By the time I come back things will be different. The home he promised Rose will be built and I will hurt just a little less...I can only hope.

 

...

 

June 21st, 2019

 

“Rosie don't peek!” Scott swatted my hand as I tried to pull at the blind fold covering my eyes.

“You're freaking me out a little.” I admitted.  He took my hand and we continued forward.

“It's a surprise!” He whispered into my ear, sending a shock wave through my system.

 

We walked a little bit further. Tall grass tickled my ankles as we tracked through unknown territory. It was a weird sensation not being able to see. Relying so entirely on the man beside me to keep me safe as the sounds swirled around me, intoxicating my heightened senses. The unknown smelled a lot like grass and pine trees. Scott stopped suddenly rubbing his hand up and down my back.

 

“Alright Rosie.” I could hear the excitement in his voice. “Take off the blindfold.

 

I reached behind my head to untie the piece of fabric from around my head. When I blinked open my eyes adjusting to the first summer sun, I saw grass...lots and lots of grass.

 

“It's a field.” I stated. Turning to look at Scott with confusion.

“It's 5 acres.” He smiled.

“Oh.” I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips. “What a surprise! It's five acres.”

“No Rosie.” He smiled, “It's OUR five acres.”

“What?” I looked around me and then back at Scott.

“I bought it.” He grinned.

“You bought us a field?” I smiled, feeling the need to humour him.

“Just imagine it.” He pulled me into his side. “Over their I'll build you your dream house. They type you like with the wrap around deck. Here I'll pave a driveway with yellow rose bushes on either side welcoming us to our home.”

“You...You’re going to build us a house?” I blinked back the tears that were forming in my eyes.

“I'm going to build us a home.” He kissed my cheek.

“But...Why? How?” I looked at him and saw the sparkle in his eye.

“Because I love you, and I see a future with you.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously, “My brothers are going to help me a bit and I hired a contractor. Tessa pulled some strings and her designer is going to come out to help you with the interior. I want you to have your dream home.”

“Oh Scott.” I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. I pulled him into my embrace and kissed him, feeling him melt into me.

“Happy Birthday Rosie.” He whispered.

 

That evening Scott and I met our closest friends and family at a pub in London. Scott kept his arm securely around my waist as people wished me a Happy Birthday and gave me a hug. My mom fussed over me with Alma, her new best friend, at her side. Alma talked animatedly about how special I was to her son and it all felt like a lot. Luckily, my girlfriends from my Saturday skating class came to the rescue just as Alma started tearing up, pulling me away from Scott's side and towards the bar. I was relieved to be throwing back shots as the liquid burned my throat. I have never been great at being the center of attention.

 

“Hey bud.” I turned around at the sound of his voice.

“Dean!” I threw my arms around his neck and felt myself wobble into his embrace.

“Happy Birthday.” He picked me off the ground hugging me tight.

“Thanks!” I giggled, “Now put me down.”

He lowered me safely back on the ground.

“I...uh...I got you something.” He blushed, handing me a box.

“You didn't have to.” I looked up at him.

“I wanted to.” He smiled.

 

I pulled the lid off the box and pulled aside the tissue paper. Inside was a wooden sign painted white with small yellow flower details. The words, ‘Home is wherever I'm with you’ inscribed in the middle.

“What's this?” I asked looking up at him.

“I know it's not much...I uh...I made it for your new home.” He smiled sheepishly, “I know it's not built yet…”

“Dean, I love it!” I picked up the sign.

“You deserve all of this Rose.” Dean said softly. “Scott's a lucky man.

“Thank-you.” I smiled, “I should show this to Scott.”

 

I looked around the bar and couldn't see him anywhere. I smiled softly at Dean and then excused myself to find him. I walked through the crowd of people, the sign held closely to my chest. Where did he go? I walked through the front door and relaxed when I saw him and Tessa sitting side by side on the front steps. I was about to announce my presence when I heard Tessa speak, her voice thick with tears.

 

“I have to be away from you for a while.” Tessa said softly.

“Tess...” He put his arm around her.

“Sometimes I just feel so alone, you know. I'm so happy for you, really I am...I just...I never had to imagine life without you. You have been by my side since I was 7 years old. I need to learn how to be without you for a while.”

“Just because I'm building my life with Rosie doesn't mean you're losing me, kiddo.” Scott whispered.

“I always thought I was the lucky one. I always thought that you and I-” She paused.

“-Tessa. Don't. Please don't.” Scott begged.

“I just wanted you to know.” Tessa sighed, looking down at her hands. “But I think you always have.”

“You're putting me in a tough place here.” Scott said, his voice thick.

“I don't mean to.” Her head snapped to look at him, “That wasn't what this was supposed to be.”

“Then why?” He asked.

“I need to do this for me” Tessa sighed.

“What's going on?” I asked, coming to sit beside Tessa.

Both her and Scott shifted uncomfortably as they didn't quite meet my eye. 

“I uh...I'm moving to France for a little while.” Tessa said, her eyebrows stitched into a frown.

“What? Why?” I asked.

“I think I'm starting to feel the post Olympic depression. I just need a change.” Tessa said.

“No, Tessa I don't want you to go.” I grabbed her hand.

“It's only eight months.” Tessa whispered.

“Eight months is a long time.” I breathed out a puff of air.

“But it's not forever.” She grabbed my hand.

Scott wordlessly stood up and turned to go back inside.

“Scott?” I watched him. He froze but didn't turn to look at me.

“I'm just going to grab a drink.” His voice was strained.

“Okay.” I said softly and turned back to Tessa. She was looking at the sign in my lap and crying.

 

If home is wherever I'm with you...Where is home for the people who don't have anyone? Where is home for Tessa?

 

…

 


	9. The Tessa Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I had a lot of comments where readers were not loving where things are going... I would like to ask you to bear with me. Things are going to get worst before they get better. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It wasn't my best, not going to lie...But it was what came to be. If anyone has suggestion I would LOVE to hear them. I have a vague direction I want to go but I'm struggling to get there.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3

December 26th, 2020

 

I sat cross legged on the floor of our bedroom with a box in my lap. Inside the box were all the letters Scott had ever sent me. The letters that started out as thoughts or descriptions of different restaurant in Montreal. The letters that started to show depth and vulnerability as the Olympics came close. The letters that declared he was missing me. The letters that he gave me in birthday cards, Christmas cards, and just because. The letter he gave me not even a year ago asking me to be his wife. I reread every letter wondering if I had missed something that would have saved me from heartbreak...Kind of like some sort of warning. I heard footsteps and looked up to see Scott in the doorway looking worse for wear.

“You kept them all?” He asked, his voice tired.

“Every single one.” I said, I no longer had the energy to feel anything at all.

“What are you doing?” He asked, looking around the room.

“I'm packing up some of my stuff. I’m going to stay with my mom for a bit.” I looked at him.

“This is your home.” He said firmly.

“No. It's not. This is just a house, Scott.” I said, “It’s nothing more than the carcass of what used to cage my dreams.”

“I built this for you.” He said, coming to sit beside me on the floor.

“You built me a house, to keep me warm, and safe...But I don’t feel safe around you anymore.” The words were hard but my voice was soft.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He whispered.

“Scott, what kind of woman would I be if I were to stay?” I asked. “I need some time away from you to figure out what I want.”

“I should be the one to go.” He sniffled. “Please Rosie, keep the house. Keep everything.”

“I don’t want it.” I snapped.

 

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I began placing more things into the boxes. Scott sat there watching me. It looked as though he was contemplating something. He straightened up and turned to face me, his eyes filled with tears.

 

“Rosie, can I say something?” Scott asked. His tone was enough to make me drop the shirt I was folding and pay attention.

“Okay.” I said, looking into his beautiful golden eyes.

“I fucked up and I will pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life...But you have to know that I love you. I will never stop loving you. Everything I said in those letters, every emotion, every phrase...They weren’t lies. I meant it all.” He whimpered.

 

I walked forwards and wrapped my arms around his neck. He placed his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist. I slowly slid my engagement ring off of my finger and as we were parting ways, I placed it in his hand.

“I just wish I was the only one.” I whispered.

“Let me fix this.” He begged, “We can take as much time as we need. We can see a marriage counselor. We can-”

“Scott, this isn’t just about you and me anymore. I don’t have time. I’m pregnant.”

 

…

  
  


April 17th, 2020

 

Dear Diary, 

I am officially 31 years old. The realization that I am aging at an alarming rate without any control or pause, terrifies me. 10 years ago, not long after winning the Olympics for the first time, I really started thinking about my future and what I might want after ice dancing. Having a husband and a family had always been high on my list and I wanted to finish having kids before I was in my 30’s. It’s laughable at how that ended up turning out. I haven’t been able to find someone I love as much as Scott. If I’m honest...I haven’t even tried. My body has taken a lot of damage from being a competitive athlete and I’m not sure how much longer I have before I have to start considering the risks. I have decided that I want to be a mom. More than anything I want to be a mom. I’m going to visit a fertility doctor and a sperm bank and consider artificial insemination. I think all this time I’ve been holding out for Scott, hoping he’ll wake up and realize he’s in love with me. Now that he has built Rose the most beautiful dream home, it makes everything so real...I can’t keep selfishly hoping he’ll choose me...Because he doesn’t. He chooses Rose. I can do this on my own.

  
  


…

 

May 14th, 2020

 

I stirred the bubbling pot of Spaghetti sauce that was simmering on the stove. Since Tessa came back from her long vacation in France her and Scott have been right back to work on their next business ventures. This usually meant long days at the rink and early nights with Scott smelling like Voltaren Gel. He was now 33 years old and between coaching juniors and doing the occasional show, he's been beat. I set the table and watched as the flowers outside the window closed into buds as the late spring day turned to night. Just as I was straining the pasta I heard Scott's car pull up outside. He looked visibly tired and tossed his skating bag on the floor beside our entryway closet before flopping down at the kitchen table.

“Hi.” I said, kissing his cheek. He pulled me down onto his lap and leaned his head onto my shoulder.

“Hey babe.” He whispered, his eyes closing.

“Are you working too hard?” I asked. Rubbing soothing circles around the crown of his head.

“No, it's not that...Just an eventful day is all.” He sighed. 

“Let me get our dinner and we can talk about it.” I said softly. 

I got up from his lap and placed a bowl of Spaghetti in front of Scott before grabbing my own and setting it across the table. I watched as Scott hungrily ate his pasta, his eyelashes thick over his hazel eyes.

 

“So?” I asked. He looked up at me.

“Just Tess. She has this crazy plan...It was just so sudden, it threw me for a loop.” He sighed.

“A work thing?” I asked.

“No, a baby thing.” He shoveled more food into his mouth.

“A baby thing?” I questioned. She had never mentioned wanting a family.

“Yeah. She said she went to a consultation at a fertility clinic and is planning to become pregnant. She wants a baby.” He shook his head.

“Somehow I get the feeling you don't like the idea.” I said.

“It's not the baby.” He shook his head. “I don't think T should be going to a sperm bank and having some doctor science his way through impregnating her with some random dudes designer baby.”

“I think it's actually kind of great. Tessa isn't getting any younger and she hasn't had a boyfriend, let alone dated anyone since before your comeback. If she wants a family, and can do it alone, id support this decision all the way.” I said.

“She shouldn't have to do it alone!” Scott tugged at his hair in frustration, “She’s worth more than this. She should know the father.”

“Scott that's kind of the point of a sperm bank…” I wasn't sure why he was getting so mad. “Also it's not your body and not your future, this is Tessa’s decision. As her friends we should be supportive.”

“You don't get it Rose.” Scott scowled.

“Then enlighten me.” I knew this was about more than Tessa wanting a baby.

“Tess and I are partners, if she is going to do something crazy like this I think I should at least be the donor.” He shook his head.

“What? You?” I scoffed.

“It just makes more sense. She knows me.” He tried to justify.

“Scott! Listen to yourself. You have a Tessa problem! You guys were partners for over 20 years, I get that. I have supported your partnership as long as I've known you...But this is too much. You're trying to control her because some fucked up, insecure part of you is scared of losing her.” I felt myself become angry.

“Seriously Rosie?” He frowned. “You promised you wouldn't get jealous.”

“I'm not jealous. I just don't think you should offer to be Tessa’s baby daddy.”

“She didn't think it was a crazy idea. We talked about it and-”

“And you didn't consider my feelings?” I frowned.

“Rosie!”

“No! Don't. That's kind of part of being in a committed relationship Scott. We have to talk about these things. I have done just about everything to advocate and defend your relationship with Tessa...But this? This is too much.” I felt my face flush with betrayal.

“It really doesn't concern you.” Scott spat.

“Do you want me to be part of your life or not?” I stood up pushing my bowl away.

“What the fuck do you think?” He yelled back.

“Sometimes I don't even know. You tell me you love me, but you don't consider me in any of your big decisions.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“You're so dense sometimes, you know that?” He threw his hands up. “I built you a fucking house!”

“You're not allowed to attack me for not understanding your relationship with Tessa when all too often you blur the goddamn lines. I can only lie to myself so much Scott. Do you want your family to be with her, or with me? Because the last time I checked we hadn't even discussed kids but you'd jump at the chance with Tessa.” I felt my eyes fill with emotion. “You know damn well that if she has your baby you wouldn't just be the father, you'd want to be the dad too. You just can't help yourself, can you?”

Scott pushed away from the table and moved towards the door.

“I don't need to fucking listen to this.” He sneered.

“Don't you dare leave.” I cried.

“Or What?” He turned to look at me.

“You always do this! You get mad and you storm out.” I followed him to the door.

“Rose, you're not my fucking wife.” He pulled on his coat and grabbed his keys.

“If you act like this then I don't want to be your bloody wife.”

“Fine!” He said before slamming the door.

“Fine.” I yelled sliding down the door into a heap on the floor.

 

I drew my knees to my chest and cried. How could he be so selfish? I worried that he would just go right along and do whatever he wants to anyways, because nobody has ever stopped him before.

I knew I didn't mean it. I really did want to be Scott's wife, I had been hoping that he would propose to me for quite some time now but I couldn't help but feel like there was something...Or rather someone stalling him. I trust Scott, and I trust Tessa...but since she left for France I couldn't help but feel a shift between them. Like the realization that Tessa may not be at his every call and beckon terrifies him. I do understand them. I know that having someone by your side for so long and then suddenly watching them slip away is a terrible thing. I had to do it when I watched my dad die. Mourning the loss of someone when they're dead is hard enough, but mourning the living? I wouldn't wish that on anyone and when Tessa left for France leaving Scott behind, I could see him losing himself. I guess I was jealous. I guess I just wished that I could be that person for Scott, that he would choose to take comfort in me.

 

The hours ticked by and I was worried that Scott wasn't going to come home, that the words we recklessly let slip out were ones of finality. I wanted to call him but every time I picked up the phone the stubborn part of me placed it back down. I tried to clean the house, I tried to watch a movie, I tried to braid my hair; nothing could distract me from the pain in my heart. I looked at myself in my vanity mirror wondering how on earth I got here. How did I come from Western in 2014, to my dad's bedside in Ottawa in 2015, to Ilderton (a town I had no idea existed) in 2016, to dating one of Canada's most famous athletes in 2018 to sitting in our shared multi-million dollar custom home alone and unhappy in 2020. I don't deserve to play with the gods like I have been. I feel like my life has been moving so fast I haven't had the opportunity to process it all. I feel ungrateful.

 

Suddenly I heard a knock at the front door and I quickly tried to wipe away the signs of distress before running down the stairs. When I opened the door Scott was standing there.

“Scott?” I asked, my voice gentle “Why are you knocking?”

“I...I wasn't sure I was allowed to come home.” His eyes were red and puffy.

“I was hoping you would.” I felt a stray tear slide down my cheek.

“I was with Tessa.” He said, his voice thick.

“I figured you would be… How was your skate?” I felt my body relax knowing he was home.

“We didn't-” He shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other, “It was good.”

“Scott-” I stepped forward.

“Please Rosie, I want to come home. I fucked up so bad and I don't know if you'll ever forgive me.” He cried.

“Couples fight sometimes Scott. It's natural...But you can't just take off any time things get tough.” I moved aside to let him inside.

“I know. I'm so, so sorry.” He looked in the space between us.

“Come inside honey, I need you here.” I whispered, drawing him into my embrace.

“Rosie, I need to tell you something.” He cried, burying his face into the crook of my neck.

“Later. We don't have to talk now. I think we are both exhausted and need to sleep.” I kissed his cheek and lead him upstairs to bed.

 

Whatever he was going to tell me was long forgotten the next morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing from you!!! Please comment telling me what you think! Yell at me if you want! :) I love it all.


	10. Beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I got stuck on this chapter as I'm beginning to wrap the story up. The format is starting to change and in the last bit its going to go   
> 1) Rose's POV  
> 2) Tessa's POV  
> 3)Scott's POV
> 
> Now that the letters have almost caught up to current time.  
> Please let me know what you think!!!  
> Things will get better!

December 29th, 2020

 

I sat on a lonely park bench watching as the ducks paddles in the cold, partially frozen lake. Why they were subjecting themselves to the bite of Ontario’s winter when they could fly to Florida, was beyond me...Or maybe it wasn’t. Perhaps I wasn’t the only one who lead an obtuse life, or maybe I wasn’t as half-witted as I felt, maybe I had just been optimistic at the wrong time with the wrong people. Maybe the warning signs were all there and I chose not to see them. I could internalize the past two years until I am blue in the face but it doesn’t change my position. All I could be was grateful. Grateful that the ducks were keeping me company against their will, and grateful that I still had a choice. If I found out about Scott’s affair two months from now, it would be too late to abort my baby. If I found out about it 4 years from now I would be breaking apart an innocent childs family. A decision that would be too hard to make. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, chastising myself for even thinking about getting rid of my child.

 

“Don’t worry kid. It’s only hell some of the time.” I whispered, placing my hand on my stomach. I was so deep in thought I didn’t even hear the cracking of gravel underneath thick soled boots.

“It’s official, you’ve gone certifiably insane.” His voice was like daybreak after laying on the cold desert floor waiting for the darkness to disappear.

“Dean.” My voice cracked and despite the sob that escaped me I felt glad to see him.

 

The past few days have been hard. I felt so completely pathetic, and alone but I didn’t want to see Scott and I didn’t want my mother fussing over me. I needed a friend but the only person I wanted to call was the girl who got me in this mess to begin with. A guilty feeling squirmed inside me when I realized it hadn’t even crossed my mind to call Dean.

 

“Come here silly girl.” He sat beside me, pulling me into his embrace.

“How did you find me here?” I asked, my voice muffled by his puffer jacket.

“I uh...Tessa told me.” He frowned.

“How the hell did she know?” I pulled away from him, focusing back on the ducks.

“She said Scott’s thinking place was the rink, yours is the lake. I tried the Cafe first but Edith told me you took the week off.” He said softly.

“Oh.” Is all I could say.

“Rose, I’m so sorry.” His voice was unrecognizably soft.

“Don’t pity me.” I crossed my arms. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself, so you shouldn’t either.”

“Scott told me that you’re-”

“-Pregnant?” My head snapped to look at him. “Yup. Seven weeks.”

“Are...are you okay?” He looked so nervous.

“The morning sickness is pretty bad. The stress doesn’t help...But that’s whatever.” I said softly. “I think i'm going to get a duck.”

Dean surprised me by howling with laughter.

“A duck?” He snorted, “What? A baby isn’t enough?”

“I like ducks. I think they’re nice.” I smiled.

“And where are you going to put a duck?” He raised his eyebrows at me.

“Wow, who knew you were where dreams went to die?” I said sarcastically.

“You know what I love about you, Rose?” Dean caught my attention. I looked him in the eye.

“I love that even when you are hurting, you can still fire off that witty sarcasm better than anyone I’ve ever met.” He rolled his eyes. I chuckled.

“I think you’ve got it wrong. Apparently sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” I smiled sadly.

“Whoever said that clearly had no sense of humour at all.” He patted my shoulder lightly.

“Dean?” I asked, “Why did you come here?”

“I...uh...Does it really matter?” His eyes darted away, “I’m here now.”

“It matters to me.” I said sternly.

“Tessa wanted to check on you.” He shrugged. “She's been calling a lot.”

“What? Are you two a thing now?” I asked. “She has to steal all the men in my life? My fiance wasn't enough?”

“No, she's just feeling pretty remorseful I think. She won't even see Scott right now. He hasn't seen his daughter since boxing day.” Dean explained.

“Yeah well, everyone's sorry, and everyone's remorseful. You can't squeeze the tube and expect to be able to get the toothpaste back inside. Every single decision in life has a consequence.”

“And what is your decision?” Dean asked, “have you made one yet?”

“Can I move to Antarctica?” I asked. Half joking.

“Maybe...But you know running from your problems isn't a great solution, take Tessa for example.” He shrugged.

“She's the queen of skating around problems.” I sighed. “In all seriousness...I didn't think it would be this hard.”

“You have a lot to consider.” Dean put his arm around my shoulders.

“You don't have to do this.” I said.

“Do what?” He asked.

“Mediate. You should be there for Scott.” I said, my voice bitter.

“Can't I be there for you both, separately?” He looked at me.

“Yeah. I suppose. It just doesn't seem fair.”

“Life isn't fair, bud.” He gave me a squeeze.

“It doesn't seem that way, does it?” 

 

I watched the ducks swim closer and closer to the shoreline. They moved swiftly and together. I felt like we move the same way through life. On the surface we are calm, graceful, and steady. Below the surface we are doing everything to keep us afloat. It felt nice to take a pause from this conversation. It felt nice just to be sitting next to someone.

 

“Rose, can I ask you something?” Dean's voice shook nervously.

“Okay.” I tore my eyes away from the lake.

“But you have to promise me you won't get mad.” He shrugged.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Can you talk to Tessa?” He glanced at me.

“Why? So I can clear her conscience. I won't do that Dean. She hurt me.” I crossed my arms.

“No...it's not really about that.” He frowned. “But I do kind of think you two are more alike than you're willing to fathom.”

“I've read her story. We are nothing alike.” I crossed my arms.

“Just consider it. You’re kind of in this together. You're both mother's to Scott's children.” He pushed.

“I'm not going to play fucking sister wives with Tessa.” I snapped. 

“I didn't say that.” He held up his hands in defense. “She made a mistake and she's paying for it. Just talk to her.”

“Tessa doesn't do mistakes. Everything she does is thought out and weighted. She had sex with Scott  and she did it with intention.”

“So what if I told you, you don't get a choice?” He scooted away from me.

“What?” I was confused.

“She's here.” He flinched.

“What the fuck, Dean?” I stood up. “You can't ambush me like this. This isn't guerilla warfare. This is my life!”

“She didn't give me much of a choice.” He sighed, “I hate it when girls cry.”

“You're weak, Dean” I hissed, “weak!”

 

Almost like it was on que Tessa started approaching our park bench. She looked like hell. Her eyes were puffy and red, circled in dark rings. Her skin looked sallow and aged and her roots remained undyed. Strapped to her chest was tiny little Beatrice in her swaddle.

 

“Hi.” Tessa said, her voice shaky.

“Hi.” I said back.

“Rose-” She fiddled with the ring on her middle finger.

“Save it.” I said, cutting her like a knife.

“I'm sorry.” She sighed.

“Sorry you got caught? Or sorry you fucked my fiance?” I asked.

“I'm sorry that you're pregnant.” She said. “I didn't know you were pregnant.”

“What would it matter? It doesn't change anything.” I scowled.

“It changes a lot actually…” Tessa sighed. “Rose...I put the journal in the jacket pocket on purpose. I did it with the intention that you'd read it.”

“What? Why?” I felt the tears form in my eyes.

“Woah, there it is…” Dean got up from the bench and awkwardly shuffled away. “I'll wait in the truck..”

“Why, Tessa?” I pushed. She looked at the lake, the ducks, the gravel path, the trees...anywhere but at me.

“I guess I was tired of the lies.” She sniffled, “I have been so bloody angry. All I have ever wanted was for Scott Moir to love me. I have been loyal to that boy for over 2 decades waiting for him to love me back. It took 2 years for him to give you everything I have ever wanted. 2 stupid years. I walked into the clinic ready to start again. I got to start a family and learn to love someone else unconditionally. Then they told me they couldn't inseminate me because I was already pregnant. I cried for three days, the lowest I have ever felt once the rose coloured glasses fell off. I was going to be stuck with Scott my entire fucking life and he could never properly love me. I wanted to hurt him, and if I'm being honest, I kind of wanted to hurt you too. I was waiting for Scott to tell you. I asked him to tell you. Finally I took matters into my own hands. I'm not trying to justify anything...I know it's my fault. I have 23 years of experience touching Scott and I know what he likes. I knew he was vulnerable and I knew he wouldn't say no.” Tessa let the tears run down her face.

“Why didn't you tell me? You had 2 years to tell me you loved him. You were my friend.” I watched Bea squirm against her chest.

“Because I kept hoping it would go away.” Tessa sniffled. “I also wanted Scott to make the choice. I knew that if you knew I loved him you wouldn't have dated him. I just want Scott to take accountability. He's gone through his entire life making rash, crazy decisions and nobody ever makes him deal with the consequences. Even Marina used to make excuses for him. He'd get so angry and she would call it passion. He even got arrested one time when we were teenagers for breaking and entering. Igor paid his bail no questions asked. Me? I bobbled in my damn twizzle and they said I needed to clear my head. I cried in the changerooms when I found out my parents divorced, and people called me dramatic. Scott has never taken ownership for anything...I was hoping this time he would. Because he is so damn in love with you. Shame on me for thinking he would change.” Tessa sighed.

“You know...It takes two to tango.” I looked her in the eye, “You should know that. You're a dancer.”

“I know.” Tessa furrowed her brow.

“You obviously let him walk all over you. You're a doormat, Tessa. Have you ever thought that maybe if you were honest with yourself and put your foot down it would make him realize he's got something to lose? Have you ever thought that maybe he can't love you because he doesn't even know who you really are? He just knows this fabricated version of you that molds around him. Maybe when he slept with you that day he did it because for once in his goddamn life he saw you slipping away.” I stated. Feeling anger. Not anger directed at Tessa. Anger at Scott, for being so stupid.

“He doesn't love me.” She cried.

“I hate the fact that I have to be the strong one right now when you both fucked me over...But...You are both so blind. You love each other so much. Sure, Scott built me a home...but why is the only thing that actually suits me the rose garden and the sign that Dean made? The rest of the house is white and antique-y...It is so you. Fuck Tessa, we have an Audrey Hepburn picture in our damn bathroom...I've never even seen breakfast at Tiffany's. My engagement ring? The center stone is circled in emeralds. I'm a pearl...you are the emerald. Everything we have together is actually intended for you. Tell me i'm not insane. This is no coincidence. I have just been too dense to see it.” It was almost as though a lightbulb went off as I was saying the words.

 

It was never supposed to be me.

 

“He loves you.” She sniffled.

“Don't patronize me. He loves the idea of me… I'm not his girl, Tessa.” I sighed.

“I'm sorry.” She cried, Beatrice fussing at the sound. “I don't expect you to ever forgive me…I just-”

“Please. Just give me time.” I whispered standing up from the bench.

“Rose!” Tessa called after me but I was already walking away.

“Tell Dean I tried.” I said, giving a non-committal wave over my shoulder.

 

I was ready to carry on living, alone.

 

…

June 4th, 2020

 

Dear Diary,

 

I think I was only half surprised when Scott showed up at my door last night. During practise that morning I told him I wanted to become pregnant. I pitched the idea to him and typical Scott decided to try and place himself in the situation, just as he did so many times before. Scott Moir told me he wanted me to have his child. I knew he was delusional, and I knew he was going to hurt Rose by discussing this with her. He was so clueless sometimes. When he knocked on my door he had been so, so angry. He told me that he thinks it’s over between him and Rose. That she was being jealous and unreasonable. I knew that was he was saying was just talk, yet I couldn’t help but drape my arms around his neck, pulling him into my embrace. I let him cry. I let him mourn a woman who hadn’t even left yet...And then I started touching him and letting him touch me back. Rose became long forgotten once I was straddling him, tasting every inch of his lips. I knew what I was doing, and I hated it. I hated the fact that in this moment I cared more about Scott then anyone else. I just wanted him to feel good and our connection was growing weaker. I wanted his praise. Scott fucked me hard against the counters in my kitchen. It wasn’t just blowing off steam this time, it wasn’t even just about me...It was like he was trying to prove a point. Once we were both satisfied and my legs wouldn’t hold me, he sheepishly apologized. He asked me if I wanted him to stay...If I wanted him to fix this somehow...If he wanted me to end things with Rose for good.

 

I said no and sent him home. I was done being second best.

 

…

 

September 2nd, 2020

 

Scott and Tessa sat side by side in the bleachers watching as the zamboni dragged the ice. There was an obvious tension between them and there has been since the start of summer when Scott recklessly slept with Tessa, despite his serious relationship with Rose. The pair were just itching to get on the ice and work, the elephant in the room making the wait seem so much longer.

“So…” Tessa started, “You're engaged.”

“Tessa, I was going to tell you…” Scott sighed.

“congratulations.” Her voice cracked.

 

Scott didn't respond. Instead he studied the scars on his hands left there by his own blade. He wanted to disappear. He knew he had to tell Tessa eventually but he wasn't sure he knew how. Even in his own mind it was supposed to be her. Rose just kind of came into his life like a storm and everything with her had been so easy. She was straightforward, uncomplicated, and bright. The thing he first loved about Rose was how different she was from Tessa. The things that kept him deeply entwined in her life, when he initially meant for her to be a summer fling, were the traits that reminded him of Tessa. She was analytical, kind, and funny. Fast forward two years and here he was, feeling bitter and defensive while he tried to explain to the girl he's loved since he was 9 years old, that he was moving on with somebody else.

 

“What happened this summer...It doesn't have to break us, Tess. It was just blowing off steam.” He knew he was being a jackass before the words even left his mouth.

“Scott, I don't want to do this anymore.” Tessa sighed.

“Do what?” Scott looked at her as she stood up. He couldn't help but notice she looked less toned than she had been before.

“This fucked up game of cat and mouse we’ve been playing since we were teenagers.” She said, standing up and heading for the changerooms.

“Can we talk about this?” Scott followed her. “I don't want to lose you.”

“You made sure to cement your place in my life, didn’t you?” Tessa said, her eyes filled with tears, “I can’t leave you now, not when i’m carry your child.”

“What?” Scott sucked in a breath.

“I'm having your fucking baby, Scott. You got what you wanted. You get to have your fucking cake and eat it too.” Tessa sobbed.

“Just tell me what I need to do!” Scott begged. 

“You need to tell Rose the truth.” Tessa said, “You need to be honest with her.”

“I'll lose her, Tess.” Scott sniffed.

“Yeah, well so will I.” Tessa cried.

“What do you want me to do? Do you want me to call off my engagement? Do you want me to move in with you? To make sure our baby has a proper home?” He asked.

“No. I don't want any of that. I just don't want to lie anymore Scott. I promised you that I wouldn’t make you choose...But this is a child. This isn’t a Grand Prix final, a Nationals, or a Four Continents...This isn’t something you get to pick up or put down. If you are going to be the father of my baby, you have to be the father. If you’re not, you don’t get to be part of his or her life. 

“I want to be the father.” Scott said.

“Then you have to tell Rose.” Tessa sighed.

“Can you just give me a little time?” Scott asked. “I’ll tell her, I just need to think about this.”

“That’s a first.” Tessa snorted.

“I love her.” Scott shook his head.

“I miss the days when you used to love me.” Tessa wiped her cheek.

“Tessa, I do love you. I just thought we agreed to learn how to live separately.” He sighed.

“And look at us now.” Tessa chuckled. “We’re having a baby.”

 

Tessa moved quickly towards the changerooms and then paused to look back at Scott who was still shocked and still on the bench.

 

“Scott, I’m not going to skate today.” Tessa sniffled, “Okay?”

“Yeah, sure, T. Whatever you want.” Scott didn’t look at her but she knew he was seeing an end.

 


	11. Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter the format changes. It is no longer in just Rose's perspective, but in Rose, Tessa, and Scott's. To add to that, the timeline won't jump around as much anymore. It will progress in a linear order (for example: Rose June 2023, Tessa July 2024, Scott December 2025...etc.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so sorry for the LONG break. Life has been crazy busy. Anyways, here is the second to last chapter. I'm thinking the next Chapter will be the last.  
> Enjoy and let me know what you think :)

11)

  
  


June 16th, 2021 - Rose

****

I gripped onto the handrail of the porch as I slowly made my way down the stairs of my new rental. Ilderton isn’t huge so when the two bedroom farmhouse a few blocks from the cafe came available I jumped on it. I was going to be a mother in a month and until a few days ago I didn’t have a place to live. My mother tried to convince me I could stay with her but when I found out I was having twins I knew it wouldn’t be enough room. I stumbled on the last step reaching out in front of me when strong hands steadied me.

****

“Bud, you need to be more careful.” Dean lectured me.

“I can’t just sit in that damn chair watching...I want to help.” I pouted.

“I told you, me and the boys got it. Just point where you want your things and we’ll move it.” He patted my shoulder. When he said ‘The Boys’ what he really meant was his entire adult hockey team. Scott included. I watched as the men unloaded the moving truck with the promise of beers and BBQ once finished.

****

I puttered around the yard for a bit pretending I was being helpful. My mom was handing out glasses of lemonade and flirting with my new neighbour Jerry. Things have gotten easier since I called off the engagement with Scott. He still lives in the house he built me despite his best efforts to convince me to keep it. I'd say Scott and I are on good terms. We agreed that my children would know he is the father, they would take his last name and he could see them twice a week. Strangely enough Scott and I have been able to set our problems aside and remain on good terms. At the end of the day I think he's hurt himself more than he's ever hurt me. Tessa on the other hand has been avoiding Scott completely and trying her best to regain my trust. The last time I heard, Scott only gets to see his daughter when Kate brings her over to Alma's for a visit.

****

“Are you alright?” Dean fussed as I was lost in thought staring at the big white moving truck.

“Yeah. I'm alright.” I smiled up at him as he messaged out my shoulders. “You need to stop fussing over me. I'm pregnant, not dying.” I rolled my eyes.

“Did you remember to take your prenatal vitamins?” He asked.

“Dean!” I scolded.

“Okay, okay.” He raised his arms in defense. “I just care about you is all...I mean you can't even see your feet. I mean-”

“Did you just call me fat?” I gasped.

“No bud, you're beautiful. You’re my yellow rose. You hang my moon…You're just...growing two very healthy boys.” He shrugged sheepishly.

“Nice save Clarke.” My mom came to sit on the porch steps beside me.

“You know me Judith, trying to convince your daughter to love me, but putting my foot in my mouth instead.” He laughed.

“You still think I'm attractive even with the stretch marks, swollen ankles, and fat belly?” I asked.

“Are you kidding Rose? You're the hottest MILF I've ever seen...Sorry Judith.” Dean said boldly.

“You're such a nut.” I laughed. My mom handing me a cup of lemonade.

“Be careful with sugar Bud, gestational diabetes is no joke.” He said softly.

“Dean I swear to god. If I was able to stand right now I'd kick your ass.” I scowled playfully.

“Is that Tessa?” My mom asked, looking over Dean's shoulder.

****

Tessa was walking down the sidewalk towards my house pushing Beatrice in a stroller. She paused when she saw Scott carrying a box into my house, she turned to walk away, noticed I had spotted her, then came back towards my mom and I. She looked better than she had in past weeks but her eyes still looked dull and she looked tired. Beatrice on the other hand was nearing 6 months old and looked wonderful. Her dark hair pulled into a waterfall on the top of her head. Her hazel eyes lit up when she saw me, bouncing up and down and babbling.

****

“Hi Bea!” I said softly as the little baby tossed her giraffe chewy towards me.

“You’ve got a good arm, sweety. Perhaps you'll be a softball player.” My mom tickled her belly.

“Hey Tessa.” I gave a tight smile to her.

“Hi Rose. I uh...I wanted to know if you needed any help.” She shifted back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“Dean?” I looked at him.

“Uh...Yea, sure Tess. Why don't you and Rose sort out the nursery? I just finished setting up the furniture but the boxes still need to be unpacked.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, okay.” She smiled taking Beatrice out of her stroller.

“Why don't you give Bea to me and I'll entertain her while you two get to work?” My mom suggested.

“I don't know…” Tessa held Beatrice closer to her body.

“You can trust my mom.” I said softly.

“Yeah...of course.” Tessa handed Bea over and the little girl started playing with her big necklace. Her mom long forgotten. The hurt in Tessa's eyes at seeing her daughter trust another person so easily bit at my heart.

“S'okay.” I grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze before trying to stand up. Which didn't go successfully.

“Stubborn woman.” Dean poked at me playfully placing one hand on my back and one below my knees as he hoisted me up into his arms. Tessa followed us as Dean carried me up the porch steps and placing me back on my feet at the top.

****

“So Dean, eh?” Tessa said after we were halfway through the boxes of bibs and clothing.

“We're taking things in stride,” I shrugged, “Why do you want to fuck him too?”

“I...uh...No!” Tessa's eyes grew wide and filled with tears.

“I'm sorry Tessa. That was low of me. I wish I hadn't said that.” I hung my head in shame.

“It's like a tube of toothpaste.” She whispered, using my analogy against me.

“Things are getting better between us. I promise they are.” I placed my hand on her shoulder.

“I know…” She sighed.

“That was supposed to be a joke...It just wasn't very funny.”

“I would do anything for you to trust me again.” A tear slid down her cheek.

“Want to know what would restore my trust?” I asked. She nodded. “Go see a marriage counselor with Scott. Figure out a way to fix your...whatever you two are. You can't keep him from Beatrice like you have been. It's not fair. Scott has been so patient with you but if it were me I would have already called a lawyer.” I said.

“I know you're right...I just feel like post-Pyeongchang was just as bad as post-Sochi. How many times do I have to put the pieces back together?” She sighed.

“This isn't entirely his fault, you're to blame too. If you just told him how you felt from the start, and said what you wanted to say, he wouldn't have felt like you were pushing him away.” I explained, “You're both too stubborn to realize that it is okay to love each other.”

“He could have tried harder.” She picked at her cuticle.

“Yeah, and so could you.” I raised my eyebrows at her. “Your career was over and you had nothing to lose, yet you didn't tell him that for you it was more than just sex. You let him get comfortable with me and you tortured yourself for 2 years as he lost hope in ever being with you. You two let things get so out of control and you hurt everyone around you because you are so terrified of making a mistake and losing each other for good...But What does that all matter when you've lost him anyways? When was the last time you’ve talked to him?” I asked.

“I hate who I've become.” Tessa cried. I pulled her into my arms, the two of us a pile on the floor, “I miss him so much...I miss my best friend.”

“I know Tess.” I rubbed soothing circles into her back.

“And I miss you. I miss being able to talk to someone who doesn't need to understand but listens anyways. Someone who is so kind, despite how horrible I am. I'm such a bad person.”

“You're not a bad person, Tessa. You have just done some bad things. You can redeem yourself.” I said softly.

“You'd forgive me?”

“I already have. I meant you can forgive yourself. Stop lying to yourself and stop assuming you know how Scott feels. Just because you know him better than anyone else doesn't mean you know the inner workings of his brain.” I kissed her cheek lightly and then tried to shuffle to my feet.

“Why are you encouraging me to fix things with him? You love him.” Her green eyes full of concern.

“I loved him...but I didn't miss him. I think that's a pretty loud sign that we weren't meant to be. I'm also not as angry as I should be either. At the end of the day I don't fear being alone…It feels normal.” I smiled.

“Aren't you terrified of raising two boys alone?” She asked. “I knew Scott as a boy and oh my god, you have your hands full.”

****

I heard laughing in the doorway. Tessa and I both turned around to see Scott and Dean watching us.

****

“I wasn't that bad!” Scott smirked. Beatrice on his hip.

“You were brutal. I thought you'd grow out of it.” Tessa said, her eyes wide with panic.

“Hey Rosie, your mom has started the barbeque and needs your help.” Dean grabbed my hands and pulled me to my feet.

“Yeah, of course.” I smiled at Scott, kissing Beatrice on the cheek.

“Scotty, why don't I take Beatrice down to the kitchen and warm up her bottle...You can help Tess finish up here.” Dean gave me a knowing look.

“Yeah...Okay.” He handed Beatrice to Dean, sadness in his eyes.

****

Dean and I walked through the house and into the kitchen. He rocked a sleepy Beatrice in his arms while I put on a kettle warming up water for the bottle bath. We worked in silence hearing the distant muttering from Scott and Tessa upstairs. Dean gave me a knocking smile and I couldn't help but flush at the sight of him cooing at the little baby in his arms.

****

“That looks good on you.” I said.

“Hmm?” He looked up at me. His dark eyes focused on me.

“This whole dad vibe.” I motioned my hand in a circle.

“Even more than my teacher vibe? That's right, bud. I caught you staring longingly at my tweed jacket.” He teased.

“Oh, the one with the elbow patches?” I asked.

“That's the one!” He winked.

“Damn you caught me. I love that thing...it makes you look so…” I paused.

“So what?” He smirked.

“Stop fishing.” I scoffed.

“So what, Rose?” He took a step closer.

“So hot.” I blushed, “It's a really sexy jacket.”

“I knew it!” He grinned at me. “You're blushing Rose! Why are you blushing?”

“Because I'm pregnant...And I'm hot-”

“- And bothered.” Dean cut me off. I rolled my eyes.

“You wish.”

“Hmm.” He took a step closer, his arm that held Beatrice was now resting on top of my baby bump. He was so close I could feel his breath on my neck. “I can practically hear your heart racing...Is that the baby hormones too?” He said softly, his lips grazing my ear.

“Dean…” I leaned forward placing my forehead to his shoulder. Beatrice babbled between us. “The bottle should be ready. I should help my mom.”

“Okay.” He kissed my cheek softly before moving away, “Be careful on the stairs, Yeah?”

“Always am.” I chuckled.

“That's a lie!” He called after me.

“Hey Dean?” I stopped halfway through the sliding glass door.

“Yeah?” He tested the bottle on his wrist.

“Do you want to go for dinner tonight?” I asked.

“Like a date?” He smiled.

“Yeah.” I felt my cheeks burn.

“Can I wear the jacket?” He teased.

“Don't push it!” I rolled my eyes and closed the door behind me.

****

...

July 5th, 2021 - Tessa

****

I sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair in the corner of Rose's room. Although we were still in the process of mending our friendship when Judith called me telling me Rose had gone into Labour, I was worried she wouldn't want me there. When I expressed this concern to Judith, she simply told me that Rose demanded that I be there. I dropped Beatrice off at my mom's house and drove to the Hospital, knowing that I had time. Labour was not an easy process. When I arrived, I poked my head in the room to see Scott sitting on the end of Rosie's bed. I placed a small vase of flowers on her bedside table and gave her a quick hug, feeling the tension in the air.

****

“Do you need anything?” I asked Rose, who was uncharacteristically quiet. She shook her head.

“Does it hurt?” Scott asked. Rose and I shot daggers at him with synchronicity.

“Okay...obviously it hurts.” He shrugged.

“Where’s Judith?” I asked.

“She went to buy me a sandwich from the cafeteria.” Rose looked...almost sad.

“Rose?” I grabbed her hand, “What's wrong?”

“Where is Dean?” She sniffled. The floodgates opened.

****

Suddenly a nurse came through the door ushering Scott and I from the room.

“You're winding her up. She needs to be calm.” The nurse scolded.

“We didn't do anything.” Scott frowned like a petulant child.

“I'll call him!” I said before the door was closed on my face.

****

And suddenly it was just Scott and I alone, in the Hallway of London's Hospital. I sighed loudly plunking down in one of the chairs lined up against the wall, Scott joining me.

****

“Where is Dean?” I asked Scott, “She's been in labour for hours.”

“I don't know…” He sighed. “He wouldn't miss this though.”

****

I pulled out my phone and dialed Dean's number. I heard the dial tone. He didn't pick up, his phone going straight to voicemail. I gave Scott a worried look and hung up my phone.

“Nothing.” I sighed.

****

Judith came down the hall carrying a bottle of water and a sandwich. She looked between Scott and I and smiled polity.

“Why are you out here?” She asked.

“The nurse made us leave.” Scott shrugged.

“Rose wants Dean to be here but he won't answer his phone.” I said, it's not like he's teaching… “It’s summer.”

“Wait!” Scott turned to look at me. “He's teaching summer School this year to earn some extra money.”

“He probably has his phone on silent.” Judith scrunched up her nose.

“I'll go get him.” Scott suggested.

“Scott, what if you don't make it back in time?” Judith said, “You don't want to miss the birth of your sons.”

“He needs to be here, Judith. He loves her.” Scott said, rising to his feet.

****

I stood up too following him down the hall.

“I'm coming with you.” I said softly.

“Tess...I would love to spend time with you again...But Rose needs you here.” He looked worried.

“She's pregnant with twins. I doubt she'll be popping them out anytime soon.” I followed him. “Remember my birth?”

“Oh my God, I didn't think you'd ever give birth...She was early, yet still made us wait 20 hours.” He chuckled.

****

We found Scott's car in the parking lot and like old times we sat beside each other as he hummed to country music. I always thought it was funny how even in times of stress he still managed to enjoy driving along the farm roads back to Ilderton, humming to Zac Brown Band. Scott and I were still working on being near each other again, but sometimes it felt fruitless. We would never go back to the way we were. Not because he cheated. Because we love each other more than friends but we were conditioned to be each others kryptonite. We could not exist individually but together we had to remain strong, if we faltered we'd lose it all. If Shakespeare were to write a play about our relationship he would label it: The tragedy of all Tragedies; Romeo and Juliet are child's play.

****

“So...How’s Bea?” Scott asked.

“She's good. Crawling around a lot.” I smiled.

“Tess, I want to see her.” He sighed.

“I know.” I felt a tug in my chest.

“I can be a good dad.” His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. “I know I'm a shitty boyfriend, but I can be a good dad.”

“I want to see a marriage counselor. I think we should go together.” I said taking Rose's advice.

“I would really love that.” He said, his voice light.

****

We arrived at Oxbow Public School and ran through the halls looking through each door. Judith messaged us saying to move quickly because Rose was almost fully dilated. Finally we found him, standing at a chalkboard writing math equations for a bunch of uninterested kids.

****

“Dean!” I called rushing in the room.

“Oh hey Tess.” Dean smiled.

“Mr. Clarke, is that Tessa Virtue? Oh look! It's Scott Moir.” a young girl said excitedly.

“Yes Stephanie. That is Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue.” Dean looked curiously at me. “What are you guys doing? I'm teaching.”

“Dean, you need to get a sub. Rose is in labour. We called you like a hundred times.” I said my heart beating fast.

“Who is Rose, Mr.Clark? Is she your wife?” A young boy asked.

“No Nathan, she's not my wife.” He looked around frantically. Picking up the phone and calling the principal.

“Are you going to watch her give birth?” One of the boys asked.

“He probably is.” Scott winked at the boy.

“Gross!” Nathan squealed.

“Just you wait, kiddo. When it's the love of your life giving birth it's the most beautiful thing in the world.” Scott squeezed my shoulder. I didn't respond to his touch feeling exposed.

“Okay class listen up!” Dean called, “Mrs. Chen is coming down to finish your class. I need to go.” He started packing up his bags.

“Is Rose the love of your life?” Stephanie asked.

“She sure is, Stephanie.” He gave Scott an apologetic look before running past him out the door.

****

We followed Dean back to London, trying to get there in time for Rose’s birth. Scott was clearly nervous wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. He parked the car in a stall and we both watched as Dean ran across the lot in front of our car to get to the door. I have never seen anyone look more frantic.

“It's going to be okay, we'll make it.” I said softly.

“Tess.” Scott stopped me from unbuckling my seatbelt. I turned to look at him.

“Yeah?” I inhaled at the feeling of his hand over mine.

“I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry.” He lowered his head, yet kept his eyes on me. “I'm sorry that I didn't tell you how beautiful you are enough, I should have told you every day. I'm sorry that I didn't wait for you, or fight for you because I'm stubborn and felt like I was holding you back from living. I'm sorry for not listening to the signs. And I'm so, so sorry for walking away when you told me you loved me, I shouldn't have ever let you get on that plane to France. It was the worst 8 months of my life. Tessa, I fucked up and now a girl who deserves the world is having my babies. She's wonderful, kind, loving and smart...But she was never you, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself she came close. It was always supposed to be you and now I have lost that forever. I've lost my best friend, my skating partner, my partner in crime, my business partner, and the woman I told myself I'd marry. I'm sorry.” Scott's eyes filled with tears.

“You haven't lost me forever, Scott.” My voice was shaky, “Just for now...until we can fix us.”

“Promise?” Scott's eyes lit up.

“No. But I want to.” I shrugged. “I want to forgive you. I want us to be healthy again. You weren't entirely to blame Scott. We have history together, almost too much history. It complicates so much.” I furrowed my brow.

“What if it doesn't have to be complicated? What of we were to say exactly what we mean? What if we stopped forming self-deprecating thoughts about ourselves that leads to the assumption that the other deserves more?” Scott sighed, “What if we take the pain we are harbouring and face it? Tessa I have loved you for so damn long I forgot how to treat you with decency. I let myself fall in love with somebody else because it was easy. Because you reminded me over and over that my fingers on your skin were just ‘blowing off steam’, when I wanted it to be love. I wish you would have told me you loved me back sooner. I was so fucking angry with you. You watched me make a home with another woman and you didn't stop me.” Scott shook his head.

“Scott...Why don't we discuss this later?” I sighed, “We will go to counselling...But for now we need to be there for Rose.”

****

Scott nodded and together we walked into the hospital hurrying to Rose's room. When we finally got there we peaked in to the room to see Dean sitting beside Rose, her hand to his lips. Rose had a layer of sweat on her forehead and her curls were pulled into a bun on top of her head to keep off her face. A doctor swept past up and put on his gloves. Rose's eyes flew open and she looked at us in the doorway and smiled.

“You need to get ready to push, Rose.” The doctor said before turning to us. “Only two people allowed in the room. Who is it going to be?”

“Uhh…” Rose looked between her mother, Dean, Scott and I. She bit her lip in frustration.

“I think Dean should stay.” Scott said softly, “If that's what you want Rosie.”

Rose's face relaxed and she gave Scott a warm smile and a nod. He was mature enough to know that even though he was the biological father, Dean was most likely going to end up being these boys dad.

****

About an hour later and shrill screams from behind the door, I could hear the sound of two beautiful soft cries. The doctor left the room and the nurses took over. Once we were allowed to reenter the room Rosie was laying flat on her back, exhausted with a baby in each arm. Dean was sitting beside her looking even worse for wear. His skin looked pale and his eyes were red and puffy. He gently cupped one of the tiny heads that was nestled into Rose's arms.

“You did good mama.” I whispered softly coming to sit beside Dean.

“They made a mistake.” Rose chuckled.

“What do you mean?” Scott's voice was panicked.

“They're not both boys.” Rose looked down at the baby in her left arm. “She's a little girl.”

“Oh.” Scott's voice was soft as butter.

“I only picked out boy names.” Rose smiled.

“She's decided on Josh for this little guy.” Dean kisses the tiny babies forehead.

“Joshua Eli Moir.” Rose smiled.

“Joshua?” Scott smiled, “That was your dad's name.”

“It sure was.” Rose said. “She was supposed to be Joseph, like your dad...But I reconsidered.”

I couldn't help but a laugh bubble out of my chest.

“What about Josephine?” Scott asked softly, placing his hand on the little girls.

“It's pretty.” Rose said.

“Very pretty.” I added.

“Josephine Judith Moir.” Rose smiled down at her baby.

****

I exited the hospital room with Dean so Scott and Rose could fill out paperwork. Dean slumped down on one of the chairs and sighed loudly.

****

“If I didn't know any better I'd think you were the one who went through labour.” I chuckled.

“Rose and I have only been dating a few weeks..” He said.

“And?” I asked.

“And I'm already so completely in love with her and those two babies.” He shook his head.

“Don't worry, it's been a rough year but she'll come through. Nothing can possibly be as bad as Scott…” I chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, I'm sorry Tess.” He shrugged.

“Don't be.” I sighed. “We can't help who we love.”

“Ain't that the truth.” He grinned over his shoulder towards Rose's hospital room. “Scott's not a bad guy, but I don't need to convince you. You know him better than anyone.”

“He’s so full of love, sometimes he misuses it.” I smiled sadly, “Speaking of love. I should go pick up Bea from my mom's.”

“Do you want to say bye to Rose first?” Dean asked.

“Could you tell her I said goodbye?” I started to feel the anxiety rising in my chest. The love of my life is now a father to another woman's children. I needed to be alone. I needed to allow myself to mourn.

“Of course.” He smiled. I started walking down the hallway feeling the tears springing to my eyes.

“Tessa.” I stopped in my tracks but I didn't turn to look at Dean. “I know how you feel...I wish they weren't his.”

****

I continued walking.

****

…

****

Scott- December 25th, 2021

****

    It was only five o’clock and already I feel like I have been cooking for days. This was my first Christmas living alone, and also my first Christmas as a father where I get to be with my entire family...yet still alone. Last Christmas when I was late to getting to my mother’s for dinner it had been because I went to see Tessa and Beatrice in the hospital. Nobody should be alone on Christmas and I wanted Tessa to know that I was there for her, even if it meant abandoning Rose. Being heartbroken on multiple accounts changed me. I didn’t want to lie, or hide anymore. I didn’t want to hurt the people closest to me. So this year I decided that I would host Christmas where everyone could be together...and I was so nervous. I turned down the stove and triple checked that I had enough place settings at the table and everyone’s gifts under the tree. The doorbell rang, telling me my first guests were arriving, my stomach started to turn. Walking through the front door, Rose let herself in. She gave me a quick hug and then turned to help Dean who was carrying the twins. Josh reached out for me as soon as he saw me, his hazel eyes bright with joy. His dark curls poked out from under the hood of his snowsuit. I took him from Dean’s arms, hugging my son close. Josie watched me cautiously over her mom’s shoulder, her dark eyes curious and her matching curls framing her red cheeks, although unlike her twin, Josie’s hair was blonde like her mothers. When I reached out to take Josie, she burrowed closer into her mother’s neck. She was a really shy little girl.

****

“Merry Christmas.” Rosie said half-heartedly as she dropped the diaper bag on the ground and balanced Josie on her hip.

“Do you need help bringing in some of your stuff?” I asked.

“No, no.” She bounced Josie. “Dean went back out to collect it, although I saw Tessa pull up. She might need a hand.”

****

I walked out into the cold winter air and my eyes met Tessa’s as she walked up the driveway. Dean beside her carrying her diaper bag and a fold-up playpen. In Tessa’s arms was Beatrice who had just turned a year old.

****

“Dada-dadada!” She pointed, her little boots swinging as she got excited.

“Hi Bea!” I reached out and kissed her cheek, and then Tessa’s, “How are you girls?”

“Merry Christmas, Scott.” Tessa blushed slightly, “We’re good, how are you?”

“Good. I’m good.” I smiled, Josh now fussing in my arms.

****

I got everyone settled inside and Tessa placed Beatrice on the carpet where she held onto the coffee table and walked around the space, proud of her new skill. Her dark hair was tied into two pigtails and she was wearing a christmas dress that had Kate Virtue written all over it. Josh crawled behind her, trying to keep up. His boyish giggle filling the room. Josephine chose not to interact. She stayed nestled on her moms lap chewing on a teething toy. I handed the ladies and Dean a glass of wine and filled the three sippy cups stored in my cupboard with water for my babies.

****

We sat around the kitchen chatting happily. I held Josephine in my arms once she had warmed up to me. I bounced lightly, the little girl's eyes blinking closed. My daughter snuggled into me, moaning sleepily. I looked around the table of people sharing stories of their days spent without me, and laughing at all the funny things the kids did that I missed. First crawl, first steps, first solid foods, first swimming lesson. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was alone and it was entirely my fault. I was greedy and indecisive and as a result I have lost everything that meant something to me. I lost parts of my children's lives that I'll never get back.

****

We finished dinner and Tessa was helping me clean up while Rose and Dean entertained the babies. She moved around the kitchen like it was a dance, we were always together, even now we moved with synchronicity. It was only when she would leave at the end of the night that I felt so completely unlike myself.

****

“She’s growing up so fast, eh?” Tessa said, as though reading my mind.

“They all are.” I sighed.

“We have been making really great progress in counseling, wouldn't you agree?” She smiled, taking a pot from me to dry.

“I think so.” I hummed.

“I was...uh...thinking…” She scratched her nose.

“Yeah?” I prompted her forward.

“I have a few days off...and I thought maybe...uhmm...Maybe you'd like to join us at my mom's cabin.” Tessa blushed.

“Like old times.” I felt myself grow hopeful.

“Yeah, like old times.” She smiled at me, “except it will just be Beatrice and I.”

“I would love that, thank-you.” I placed my hand on her arm, “Really, Tess.”

“I figured weekends weren't enough for you.” She chuckled, “Beatrice asks for you almost every day.”

“I miss her during the week...But I miss you too Tessa.” I sighed.

“But you see me almost every other morning at the rink.” She smiled.

“But every other day isn't every day. And every day isn't every hour. It's not like it used to be.” I released her arm sighing sadly.

“I don't want it to be like it used to be…” Tessa frowned.

“You don't?” I felt my heart sinking in my chest.

“No. I want it to be better.” She turned away from me.

“Tessa?”

“Yes?” She turned to look at me.

“I want it to be you.” I whispered, “You know that, right? I promised you I'd wait this time. I'm keeping my word.”

“I believe you.” She smiled stepping closer to me. Her eyes pleaded me not to start.

“So when are leaving?” I asked.

“I figured we'd go Wednesday and come home Friday. I don't want you to miss your days with the twins.” She smiled.

“Thanks for considering them.” I hugged her.

“Of course, kiddo. They're family.” Tessa said, pulling away from my embrace. I wish she'd never leave.

****

We walked together into the living room and sat down. I started handing out gifts to the kids who all looked worn out and ready for bed. Beatrice tore at her wrapping paper and Dean helped the twins with their gifts. As soon as Josh uncovered his new baby hockey Jersey, he immediately pulled the fabric into his mouth. Josie held her new dress in her hands and flapped the tutu around playfully. Beatrice, more advanced, tried to pull her new dress over her head. The kids continued to unwrap toys and books until Josie was flat out on her back fast asleep on the floor, Josh was whimpering sleepily on Rose's lap and Beatrice was cuddled in a princess blanket stretched over my lap.

****

Rosie and Dean started to pack up and carry their bags out to the car, along with the babies. I helped them make sure they hadn't forgotten anything and confirmed a time for when I was going to pick up the twins on the weekend. I had a heavy feeling in my chest as I watched Dean buckle Josh into his carseat. I was watching Dean step up and be a man, while I just pretended that I was there. Tessa lingered in living room cleaning up the wrapping paper and folding Bea’s new clothes. Once I shut the door and returned to her, she stopped what she was doing and stood up to face me.

“I don't want you to be alone.” She said softly, glancing back at our daughter who was asleep on the couch.

“I'm fine.” I forced a smile. “I promise.”

“Well...What if I'm not.” She whispered hardly audible.

“Tess?” My voice was thick. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know, Scott…” She sighed.

“Yes you do.” I grabbed her hand.

“I’m not okay pretending that it doesn’t hurt me everytime we say goodbye.” She looked into my eyes and I saw how much I’ve put her through.

“So stay.” I asked.

“It’s just not a good idea.” She glanced nervously at Beatrice.

“Neither was performing Carmen, we still did it.” I joked, the corners of Tessa’s mouth raised into a smile, “Tess, in all seriousness I promised you I’d be patient. I promised you I’d wait. I know my track record sucks but I recognize my mistakes and I’d wait for you for the rest of my life if I have to. I want to be with you, but not until we're ready.” I ran my thumb over her knuckles.

“I…” Tessa took a deep breath.

“Why don’t you take my bed with Bea, I’ll take the couch and in the morning I’ll make us chocolate chip pancakes and we can talk about our cabin trip.” I said, kissing her cheek softly.

“Thank-you.” She blinked leaning into my touch.

****

We parted and I followed Tessa up the stairs placing Beatrice on my king sized bed. Tessa tucked her tiny frame in and kissed her cheek. When she turned to look at me I saw so much love in her eyes. I backed towards the door feeling overwhelmed by having her in my room. I could feel us coming close.

“Goodnight, T.” I whispered softly.

“Goodnight Scott.” She said back. “I love you.”

****

That cut me deep.


End file.
